Because It's Mine

Day 1 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.

Reason #1 to Love My Body:  Because It's Mine

I never quite realized how poorly I've treated my body.  I treat it like it will always be there and I will always have the opportunity to makes the changes I would like to see.  But, as I approach 40 (ugh...yes, 40), I realize that there are certain opportunities that have passed me by because of the previous choices I made in life.  I know that I will never be an Olympic gymnast or have the metabolism of a pro athlete (and that's totally ok).  I am learning to own the choices that I have made and and realize that I have to put my past behind me.  (Thank you Rafiki!)  I cannot go back and undo the choices I made when I was younger or even the choices I made yesterday.

On the other hand, just because I cannot go back and change the choices I've made, that does NOT give me an excuse to continue to make the same poor choices.  I can learn from those decisions and CHOOSE to make changes to better myself and my body.  I can decide to exercise and eat right this morning.  Not because I want to look hot in a bikini (though that's a good perk), but because I love my body and I choose to treat it well so that I have a healthy body to live in for all of my life.  When I accept this love and this responsibility, eating right and exercising and treating my body like the temple it is becomes easy and second nature.

Am I going to slip up at times and treat my body a little poorly?  Yep.  And I can own these choices and make them my own.  I hear from myself, my friends and my clients daily that they give up when they feel they have made a mistake.  But, none of us are perfect.  In fact, I'm going to repeat that because it bears repeating: NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.  I cannot undo the choice that I made this morning to have Starbucks with my daughters, nor do I want to.  Was it the healthiest food for my body?  Nope.  But, on a late start morning, absolutely worth the time spent with my daughters bonding over lattes and frappuccinos.

Going forward, I will treat my body with the love and respect it deserves.  Because that love has to start with me.  If I can't love my body and myself, I will always be at the mercy of myself and others.  If I treat my body with love and care, I will define my own worth.  And that definition is the only one that matters.

Love My Body -- A 28 Day Challenge

I follow a number of female fitness professionals through their blogs -- Neghar Fonooni, Girls Gone Strong, and Molly Galbraith are among my favorites.  Their fitness content will kick my butt every day but what stays with me is their continuous work on compassion and gratitude.  Women all over the world struggle with body image and body dysmorphia.  In my work as a trainer, I see this from my clients every day.  We all want to look like the woman on the magazine cover.  And, as Molly put it, it's completely unreasonable to compare ourselves at our worst to someone else on her absolutely best day with a team of professionals to make her look perfect.

Body image is something I specifically struggle with.  As a trainer, I am expected to have a certain "look" to get clients.  And I don't have that look.  I don't deny the fact that I could stand to lose 15-20 pounds and get my diet back "in check" to have that look.  However, I have learned that the work that it takes to get there makes me crazy.  It makes my family crazy.  And it makes me a very unfun person to be around.  So Molly is throwing out a 28 Day Love Your Body challenge.  And, as a fitness professional who doesn't always love her body, I'm accepting it.  Moreover, I'm embracing it and sharing it with others.  Because it's important to set an example.  28 days to have a better understanding and acceptance of my body as it is.  I will continue to work on improving my diet and keep with exercise BECAUSE I love my body.  Not because I need to achieve a standard of impossible perfection.  

So thanks for following along with me along the next 28 days...

Pre-Work

The first day is a bit of self searching with a pre-challenge questionnaire.

1.  How do you feel when you think about how your body looks?  

     (1= absolutely terrible, 10 = freaking awesome)

     I'm a 6.

2.  How often do you think about things you'd like to change on your body? 

     (1 = constantly, 10 = never)

     Easily a 3.

3.  How often do you look in the mirror and think "I look really awesome!"?

     (1 = never, 10 = always)

     I'm a 4.

4.  How confident do you feel when you're in a swimsuit?

     (1 = not confident at all, 10 = extremely confident)

     I'm a 2.  Sadly.

5.  How confident do you feel about your body during intimate moments?

     (1 = not confident at all, 10 = extremely confident)

     I'm a 6.  Because my husband loves my body and he's amazing.

6.  How often do you catch yourself saying/thinking negative things about your body?

     (1 = constantly, 10 = never)

     I'm probably at about a 5.  I've gotten better at this in the last year.

7.  How often do you catch yourself saying negative things about your body to other people?

     (1 = constantly, 10 = never)

     I'm definitely a 3.

8.  How well do you receive compliments from others?

     (1 = not well, 10 = really well)

     Probably around a 7.

9.  How often do you have feelings of shame in regards to your  body?

     (1 = constantly, 10 = never)

     I'm around a 3.

10.  If I told you that you could drastically change your perception of your body in 28 days, would you believe me?

     (1 = absolutely not, 10 = no doubt about it)

      I'm an 8....sadly.

My total: 47/100.  I think I definitely have room for improvement.  

Here I go with 28 days to change.  Wish  me luck and share your own personal Love Your Body stories!

Hiatus

SIX MONTHS.

It's been six months since I've posted about my journey.  Previously, if it had been six months, even I would have thought I had fallen off the proverbial wagon.  But, the truth is that life happened.  As it does to us all.  And, in the hustle and bustle of trying a new career, getting my personal training certification, and enjoying time with my friends and family, my blog tumbled into the wayside.  I thought many times about different posts and how I could write them.  And finally, I realized that I just needed to do it....  so, six months of blog posts... Reader's Digest Style.

November -- A New Career!
Yep...I've decided to get my certification for personal training and nutrition!  I've officially signed up for online classes and have a shiny new backpack emblazoned with NASM to prove it!  I did what I do best and created a study guide to follow!  Here's to six months of studying!

December -- A New Career....Part Two!
So, three weeks into my journey to Personal Trainer-dom, I've been offered a job with American Income Life selling life insurance to union members.  I never would consider this except that the guy I'll be working for is one of the most inspirational people I've met and I really think I could learn something from him.  Are sales my forte?  Hahahahhhahaha!  But...I figure it's something I'm going to have to learn for my new career as a trainer.  Right?  So....here goes studying my butt off for the test!

January -- New Year.  New Me.
I finally got the clearance to lift again back in the middle of November!  FINALLY!!!  But, between travelling for Thanksgiving and for my mom's award ceremony and Christmas, getting to the gym just never seems to happen.  Cause...ya know...life.  But, no excuses.  I'm maintaining my weight and ready to get back to it.  I've created myself a new workout plan like the rest of the planet and I'm looking forward to getting my goals back on track for me.

February-April -- Passion
Three months of my life given over to selling insurance.  And I learned something intensely important.  To sell anything, you have to be passionate about one of two things: whatever your product or service is OR making money at any cost.  I have never ever been motivated by dollars and insurance is definitely not something I'm passionate enough about to sell it well.  So, I'm taking three weeks to study my butt off for the PT test and then back to the drawing board!

And that brings me to May....which will be the subject of my next post!  :)

(Oh...and that PT test...PASSED!)

Are You Ready?

"I'm working my way into it."

"Starting small...that's how I'm going to do it."

"I'm too busy."

"I don't have time."

"I'll start when life gets less hectic."

"I couldn't do that.  There's too much work."

I have heard these reasons (excuses) from various people (including myself) throughout the years as to why they haven't yet made exercise or nutrition a priority in their lives.  Most of them (myself again included) believed in what they were saying.  What I've learned is that all of those items really mean one thing: "I'm not yet ready to make that change in my life."

It doesn't matter if their doctor has said that they have to change their ways.  It doesn't matter the prevalence of cancer or diabetes or heart disease in their family history.  It doesn't matter if they are unhappy with what they see in the mirror.  What they are really saying is that right now, in their lives, they aren't ready to make that change.  And NOTHING external will force that change to happen until they are willing and ready to accept that change in their lives.

I have unfortunately had the occasion to need to lose more than 50 pounds during more than one time in my life.  I would like to claim that both of these were related to pregnancy but they weren't.  I'd like to say that I saw a need for change and was "too busy" or "nothing worked."  But, my reality is that I wasn't ready to change.  Life was always "too something" for exercise, eating right, and prioritizing my health.  But, when that something clicked in my brain, weight loss was effortless.  I'm not claiming it just melted off and I didn't work hard for it.  But, when my brain was engaged in the activity and I was ready for the change, there was nothing that could stop me.  Logging and weighing every food I ate didn't seem like a chore.  Drinking water instead of soda was easy.  Going to the gym five times a week became fun.  And when both my body and my brain were engaged together, change happened.  It didn't happen overnight.  But, that day when I looked at the scale and my brain registered 50 pounds lost, I didn't remember it being difficult.  (I'm sure my husband and coaches would disagree that it wasn't difficult or stressful at times.)  But, my memory is that the scale just moved consistently.

So, when are you READY to make a change?  That varies by person.  I can't tell you when you are ready to make that change.  But, I can tell you that trying to change when you AREN'T ready will only lead to cheating, disappointment, and frustration.  Find your own spark.  Find what makes you tick and what makes it FUN.  And make those goals short term.  Don't focus on the 20 year reunion in 2 years or the anniversary trip in 1 year.  Focus on the athletic goals -- best a PR, log your food for seven days, lift a little more than you did last time.  Or heck...just make it a point to walk around the block every day.  Every little success will help you become ready for an even greater one.  Until...one day, you will have found a lifestyle change without even planning it.

Decline of Physical Activity

It has been proven time and time again that physical exercise has both physical and mental health benefits.  Given that, why do people continue to resist the idea of exercise?

It would be super easy to blame laziness and lack of education.  But, the truth is that I don't believe these are to blame.  People are more aware of health and the importance of being at a healthy weight than ever before.  There are thousands of exercise and diet books published in the world today along with shows like Biggest Loser.  Most Americans are aware that poor health can lead to catastrophic health effects.  So, why do people continue to put off exercising?  I believe the reasons have their roots in youth activity and grow into the problems of adults.

Childhood obesity is such an epidemic in the United States that it is Michelle Obama's pet project.  The National Football League has their Play 60 program.  And there are sports camps for children at almost every recreation center or YMCA.  So, why does obesity continue to be a problem?  First, these programs are all well and great for the children who can afford them or for the families who have the ability to have someone home in the early afternoon to take their kids to them.  But, for the vast majority of two income households, physical activity such as these are difficult to make happen.  And, in the wake of No Child Left Behind, our children's physical well being has been left in the wake of decreasing test scores.  With the increased importance on "the test," physical education has been dropped from many school curricula.  The emphasis on reading and writing seems to have forgotten the fact that without physical health, emotional and mental health are hard to come by.  Even Maslow's hierarchy of needs puts physical health at the bottom of the hierarchy.  You can't even begin to think about learning at school until those needs are met.  I'm sure that Maslow didn't intend for his hierarchy to be used that way but it's true.  A student who is obese and hungry throughout the day because of a glucose intolerance and a lack of a way to burn off the excess energy is going to have difficulty focusing in class.

As for youth sports, I'm almost afraid to touch the subject!  Youth sports are an amazing way to get kids active.  But, children are starting them earlier and earlier as a way to prepare for both middle school (if it's offered) and varsity level sports.  And sports are a great way not only to build up physical activity, but to learn teamwork and social skills.  But, the percentage of students that successfully make the leap from a varsity high school sport to college is very slim.  Only 4.95% according to the NCAA.  And from there to a professional sport?  Even slimmer.  So, what then, should be the focus of youth sports?  Instilling a love of sport, physical activity, and teamwork.  So what happens to the other 95% of youth who play high school sports?  Some will play sports for fun in college or in recreational leagues as adults.  But most will go on to a sedentary lifestyle of spectatorship.  As these young adults graduate from high school to adulthood, there ensues a new problem.

For adults, I see the main contributor of physical inactivity as lack of priority.  Many adults do not see activity as an essential activity such as a job or picking the kids up from school.  It is a to-do item to be checked off on their list.  They may maintain a gym membership (if cost allows) but actually going is a matter of "finding the time."  And, for many of them, the habit of activity broke down after they finished school.  And, once that habit is lost, it is incredibly difficult to wrestle yourself back into it.  Even time for a rec sports league must be weighed against the time needed to prepare dinner, get the kids bathed, and have quality time for your significant other.  Unfortunately, this physical activity is not seen as a necessity, but as a luxury.  And, as such, it is the first item that is dropped when time or money rears it's ugly head.

For those adults who are motivated to continue their activity, going back can be overwhelming enough to stave off even the best intentions.  A quick internet search of "what should I do at the gym to get started," yields so many varying results that lots of people just go with what they see others doing -- namely cardio and weight machines.  These are easily learned and easily accomplished.  Most gyms even provide a television for you to watch while you wile away your time on the hamster wheel.  But, this can get boring and lead to a lack of results if you don't know how to program a routine to achieve the results you want.  So, when they see a lack of results (because your body doesn't care if you spend an hour on the elliptical if you eat half a cheese pizza for dinner), they give up and go back to their unhealthy ways.

So, if Americans know about healthy exercising habits and have a variety of reasons to not follow them, how do we fix that as a country?  First, bring back physical education for youth.  Make physical activity FUN!  Get rid of anything but recreational sports at a youth level.  The expectation of a middle schooler should not be excellence, but focused on the other wonderful things you can learn from sport.  As adults?  Hire a qualified trainer.  Join Fitocracy.  Do all sorts of things that will get you back into activity.  Can't afford a trainer?  Don't know where to start?  Start with a walk.  If that's easy, increase the pace or the distance.  Once you start, it gets easier to make physical activity a priority -- not just something to do when it's convenient.  After all, health is the basis of life.

Cog in the Wheel

Any athlete from amateur to professional can share a story of injury and rehabilitation.   Whether it is as simple as a pulled muscle or something more severe like a torn ACL, every athlete experiences setbacks in their journey.  My first major setback came this summer with strains in my pecs, traps, paraspinals, intercostals, and clavicle along with tendonitis in my bicep.  (All on the left…)  By the time I got to the doctor, he declared my entire shoulder area a “mess” and asked if I had ever thought about taking up competitive chess.  This visit to the doctor culminated in three weeks of physical therapy and (so far) twelve weeks of no activity.  How did this get so bad?  Well….that’s where the lessons come in. 

Pay attention to your body…ALWAYS and HONESTLY

This was probably the hardest lesson for me to learn.  These muscles didn’t strain themselves in one shot.  The very first time I set up for a barbell squat in January, I had discomfort in my shoulder area.  It was diagnosed as a shoulder flexibility issue and I worked through shoulder flexibility exercises to try and work through it.  Eventually though, I decided it was a mental issue and just pushed myself to ignore the discomfort.  I consistently told myself that it always felt better after the first couple of sets and it was just the muscles needing to warm up.  And, although it continued to bother me throughout the months, not once did I mention it to anyone, including my coach.  STUPID!  (There’s not really another word for that…)  Eventually, yes…I mentioned that I thought my squat form was having issues but I never thought that the squat could injure my shoulder area.  STUPID!  I spent months ignoring discomfort because it went away.  So, I assumed that meant it wasn’t really hurt and that it was all mental.  Had I paid attention to my body and been honest with myself that there was actual pain setting up and during the lift (and then been honest with my coach), probably I could have fixed this before required daily ice, a month of hopped up NSAIDs, and at least three months of no activity.  But, as imperative as it is to listen to yourself, it’s also vitally important to....

 Listen to Your Coach Too

My coach has accused me multiple multiple times of having what he calls Exercise ADD.  Basically, this comes from a desire to do anything and everything that sounds fun.  I like to push myself to try new things and to constantly be better at everything I do.  I know that I won’t excel at everything (lifting, running, cycling, swimming, you name it…) but I like to try everything and I want to train for everything all at the same time!  More than once, he has told me to stick to the training plan and stop going “off book.”  BUT….I have an attention span on training plans that lasts about four weeks.  So, after two months of the same training plan, I got bored….and looked for something fun to try.  I have chased after Fitocracy quests (hello tri quests and widowmakers) as well as achievements (I wanted those stupid first level lifting achievements even if I wasn’t really ready to hit them yet).  And, the dumbest thing?  I knew that he wouldn’t approve so I used the “easier to ask forgiveness” policy and didn’t ask.  The result of throwing myself into everything and not listening about overtraining?  Hello physical therapy.  Listening now.

All that said, I completely understand that injury is a part of life as an athlete.  But, for me, this is an injury that could have been easily avoided with some honesty and listening on my part.  In my enforced inactivity, I’ve had some time to think about my goals going forward.  I’m still aiming for that half in May 2013 and I shall be listening carefully from now on.  That’s a promise.

Whatcha Lookin' At?

There is a mantra out there for nervous gym-goers that they shouldn’t worry because every person at the gym is too busy with their own workout to watch what they are doing.  Personally, I find this a load of crap.  I may be busy at the gym with my own workout, but that doesn’t mean I’m not watching what’s going on around me.  An hour at the gym (whether running on the indoor track or between lifting sessions) means lots of downtime.  Yes, I am going through routines and thinking about form, but I still pay attention to the people around me.  What do I look for/at?

Eye Candy

I’m just gonna start with this one and get it out of the way.  Yes, I look at cute/hot/muscular people at the gym.  If you work out at my gym and are doing something active (ie: not machines), I’ve probably checked you out.  And, from the upstairs track to the lifting area and basketball court downstairs, there’s eye candy.  I look.  Get over it.  J

What are You Wearing

From cute clothes to race shirts to funny shirts to my continued obsession with what anyone wears on their feet, I’m looking.  I like the superhero shirts the best with race shirts coming in a close second.  And, if you’re in barefoot shoes, I’m instantly smitten.  <3

Good Form Lifts

My gym is notorious for lifters with terrible form – ie: half squats and curling in the squat rack.  So, when I see someone breaking the rules to lift barefoot or see someone doing a squat past parallel at the gym, I stop to watch so I can learn something.  If I see one of these people doing something I don’t know how to do, I might ask about proper procedure.  (Note: that’s still a might…I don’t like to interrupt others’ workouts.)  

           Inspiration

This is my favorite.  Especially people who transform themselves.  I see someone working their tail off and not just chit  chatting and I love it.  Whether it’s speed training or lifting or boxing, you can tell the people at the gym who are serious about their training.  And, if I see something WOW, I compliment.  Most inspirational are the a-typical gym rats that I see all the time -- anyone who doesn't fit the gym type.  This includes the senior citizen I saw walking around the track with a cane (good for him!) and the larger men and women at the gym plugging away to create their own personal transformations.  These people pull at my heartstrings and remind me that everyone starts somewhere.

So, final word?  If you think nobody is looking when you are working out, you're naive.  People watch...all the time.  But, that doesn't mean that they are judging you.  Don't put your insecurities into other people's heads.  Maybe that girl is looking at you because she likes your shirt...maybe YOU are HER inspiration.  Because everybody starts somewhere...