Bagels, Pizza, and New York

My mother and grandmother tell the story at every family gathering of how I met my husband.  I realize that may seem a little odd since it's usually the couple's story to tell.  But, each of them remembers the phone call that I made to my mom just after I met the man I would eventually marry:

Me: Do you know where Lynbrook is?

Mom: Yes..... why?

Me: I'm dating this guy who grew up there.

Mom: It's about twenty minutes from your grandmother.

Me: Wow... what a small world.

Almost 19 years later, I look forward to our annual family trip to New York with relish and trepidation.  I love Long Island and I love the city.  I love the culture and the busy pace and being able to relax with my extended family.  I love the friends I only see once a year.  I love that 9:30 is considered early.  I love the crazy drivers and crazy accents.  I love that the expectations are high and how everyone seems so well educated and cultured.  And I love that I get to experience foods that just don't exist anywhere else in the country: bagels, pizza, cheesecake, diner mozzarella sticks, and my mother-in-law's fabulous Italian cooking.  Think bagels are the same no matter where you are?  Ask your average New Yorker?  They'll tell you exactly why you are wrong and then they will feed you a New York bagel and you will never look at a bagel package the same way again.

But those same fabulous foods are always the reason for my trepidation.  Because I always indulge and I always come home at least a few pounds heavier.  Worse, I always feel guilty and ashamed about not having followed "the plan."

I always start out my vacation with the best of intentions.  I make myself plans and rules and promises for the trip: no bagels, limit the pizza, only eat the protein sources, join a gym, go running every day.   I even remember one year where I brought my egg cooker, protein powder, and verified with my mother in law that I could use her blender.  (Yes...I'm even eye rolling at myself.)  No matter what though, I have ALWAYS fallen back on the yummy habits of  the past. Fresh bagels and cream cheese for breakfast. Two slices of New York pizza.  Italian cookies from Whistle Stop.  Carvel Ice Cream.  My mother-in-law's amazing cooking.  And every single year, I come home heavier, feeling guilty and ashamed of how terribly I've eaten and how spectacularly I failed at my plans and rules and promises.

But not this year.

This year, I'm of a new mindset. Expecting perfection out of myself is ridiculous. Creating unreasonable rules and plans and promises is only a set-up for spectacular failure.  Instead, I'm forgoing erroneous and arbitrary rules in favor of moderation.    I'm going to appreciate the bagels and pizza and diner mozzarella sticks.  I'm going to relish homemade meatballs and ribs and pasta yumminess.  I'm going to savor the vanilla ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles from Carvel.  Why?  Because in the bigger picture, they are an incredibly small indulgence.  I'm not going to scarf them down because I can.  I will appreciate, relish, and savor each bite with gratitude.

Healthy for my physique?  Surprisingly, yes.  

By enjoying my indulgences, I stop the downward spiral of shame and guilt that accompanies them.  For me, that spiral usually has me hunting more junk food in a fit of self-recrimination and loathing.  But, instead of feeling hatred and reaching for more of what made me feel that way, I can accept that I'm indulging and do so with moderation.  I know that that moderate indulgence prevents that bigger binge in the future.  I understand that giving myself some grace and trust allows me to be able to enjoy those foods without guilt and without recrimination.  Best of all, I'm able to actually ENJOY the foods that I love. 

And when I go home a few pounds heavier, it will be with a happy belly and a peaceful heart.

Mmmmm... NY Pizza

and bagels....

Professional

Fitocracy published an article last week about 30 Fitness Professionals Under 30 who are changing the face of fitness.  These people are up and comers in the field and, for the most part, I agreed with their selections.  Women like Molly Galbraith, Nia Shanks, and Sohee Lee are all pioneers in women's fitness not just for their exercises, but in their work to help women love who they are.  They are about learning exercises and making ourselves stronger mentally and emotionally, not just physically.  Men such as Jon Goodman, Nick Tumminello, Greg Nuckols, and Chase Erwin.  Jon puts out two amazing websites (PTDC and Viralnomics) which help trainers learn about being a trainer.  Nick and Greg are all about the science of exercise.  Chase is a fitness competitor who trains others in mind as well as body.

However, as I read the article, a look of puzzlement crossed my face.  A fitness professional (to me) includes credentials such as a degree in fitness, a personal training certification, or other such education that can be passed on to others.  This person is someone I can look to as an expert in the field.  Whether man or woman, a fitness professional brings something more to the conversation than just a pretty face and rock solid abs.

While I am one hundred percent sure that each of the spotlighted individuals are more than a body in a picture, the article highlighted three women who were only listed as being worthy because they have won contests.  Not one of the men in the article was solely mentioned for winning at a powerlifting or bodybuilding competition, much less a beauty pageant.  I didn't see any men who were ONLY listed because of their prowess on the stage.  These women are clearly dedicated to their chosen profession and look amazing in their photos.  But, what message does it send to the users of Fitocracy?  Especially as these are the people that users are supposed to look to as experts and professionals.

It sends a clear message that the women in fitness are held to a standard of their physique.  Users of Fitocracy are usually new to fitness and looking for expert information from the knowledge section of the site.  As a personal trainer, it saddens me to see the women in the fitness industry portrayed this way.  I have to believe that there are other women in fitness that are experts and under 30.  Women who have done more than win a beauty pageant or a bodybuilding competition.  Women who have a following on their website because they espouse a belief that a woman is more than ab definition; that a woman's self worth is not linked to her physique; that a woman should aspire to her own fabulousness rather than aspiring to be like someone else.  Women who have credentials as fitness experts.

Women in the fitness industry such as Molly Galbraith, Jill Coleman, Jen Sinkler, and Neghar Fonooni publish blogs on an almost daily basis about loving yourself for who you are, not attempting to reach the standard of a fitness model.  And every single one of these women has at least a training certification.

Women today are inundated with pictures of the ideal -- websites, fitspiration, magazines, television, movies, music.  It's ubiquitous.  More spotlighting of the "perfect" is unnecessary and defeating.  Spotlight the innovators.  Show us the women providing a message of self-worth unconnected to physique.  Highlight the professionals who teach us that we deserve to be more than an image on a screen.

Welcome Back to the Hamster Wheel

A little over three years ago, I made a fairly random decision to train for a half marathon.  There were reasons and thoughts and rationales.  But, I decided to do it.  And, after making the decision, one of the first things I did was to create a blog to chronicle my journey towards the half marathon.  (This was really a way of keeping myself accountable to anyone who cared to read it.)  

Looking for a binder in my house last night, I came across two binders that gave me pause.  The first was my old running binder.  When I started running, that thing never left my sight!!  Flipping through it, I read through my first running plans, saw my first calendars of run days, and smiled to myself.  The second binder was filled with my old blog entries.  As I read, I was shocked at the positivity that exuded from the print.  I read through entries describing my first injuries, my first run in the rain, my first 5k.  I watched my "team" grow from a few close friends to a "team" that included neighbors and people I had never met.  I saw myself meet the two people who would go on to have the biggest impacts on my fitness life.  And then, I realized something important:  I didn't mention weight loss.  Or fat loss.  Or any numbers on a scale.

NOT ONCE.

And I was happy.  I was learning.  I was meeting new people.  I was inspiring others.  And as revealing as this was, it wasn't nearly as revealing as the next thought.

WHAT HAPPENED?

At what point did I go from being excited about running a half marathon to being obsessed about the number on the scale?  What decision did I make that led to excessive scrutiny of my body? 

The answer is this: I don't know.  Somewhere along my journey, that ever present number on the scale became more and more important.  And as it became more important, my happiness dwindled.  What started out as a fun way to get PTO morphed into an obsession with the perfect diet and exercise plan to help me reach an arbitrary goal.  So, last night as I went to bed, I made a decision.  I'm done with numbers and arbitrary.  I'm done with someone else's vision of perfection.  In fact, I'm done with my own vision of perfection.  I'm not perfect.  I never will be.  I have no desire to be that perfect fitness model.  Perfect abs and definition are not in my future.  I will never be the fastest, lift the most weight, or be on the cover of a magazine.  By setting these unreasonable expectations, I have been setting myself up for failure for over two years.  And I have achieved every minute of that failure.

And now I'm done with it.  Here's to chronicling the next part of my journey, where I learn to have a mindset that is positive and grateful.  Happy with myself and forgiving of my imperfections, because they are what help me to learn and grow.  

Welcome back to the Hamster Wheel.  It's been too long.

Because It's Honesty and Intuition are Incredibly Powerful

Day #13 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.

Reason #13 to Love My Body:  Because It's Honesty and Intuition are Incredibly Powerful

I first read this from Molly and laughed.  Honest and intuitive?  My body??  My body that craves chips and pretzels and coffee and chocolate covered espresso beans straight from Seattle???  Uh huh... Yeah, right!!!  But, then I started thinking about it.  And realized that Molly is absolutely right.  My BODY is incredibly honest and intuitive.  My BODY knows what it needs, whether that is exercise, rest, or proper nutrition.  And when I give it what it wants (good stuff in), it responds well (good stuff out) with a good mindset, muscles, and proper digestion.

Where I think the problem lies is that our BODIES know what they want, but our BRAINS get in the way.  Have you ever been running or lifting and thought to yourself, "I can't do that..."  It's not your body that gets in the way usually.  It's your mind that convinces you that you can't.  I can't count the number of times that my mind told me that I couldn't go that far... that I couldn't lift that much... that I couldn't possibly run that fast.  And it wasn't until my first bonk that I truly understood what CAN'T meant.  (Interested?  Read that blog entry....)  I'm pretty sure that my body doesn't crave chips.  It craves the salt, because the salt makes me drink more water.  So really my craving for chips is a craving for water, showing myself that I'm dehydrated.  My body is giving my brain the correct information that I need hydration.  And my brain is sending the message that it has LEARNED will get it water: make her eat salty foods and the water will come.  Is that my body sending the wrong message?  Nope... it's my brain that has learned that messages of THIRSTY NOW will be repeatedly ignored.  So, my brain sends out an incorrect message deliberately to get the body what it wants.  A small example of something that I have intuited over the years.  And this is true with sleep (think caffeine), exercise (grouchiness), and sweet cravings (fruit is way better than candy).  Teaching your brain to interpret the messages of your body is about trusting the body and listening to it, rather than the conditioned messages from your brain.  Once you trust your body and listen to it's messages, those conditioned messages will change.

So how can you listen to your body and make sure that your brain is interpreting the messages correctly?  LOVE your body.  And TRUST it.  And be HONEST back with it.  It may take time, but YOU are absolutely worth it!

Train your mind for running, for lifting, for life.  Just TRAIN IT!

Because Your Relationship is Reciprocal

Day #12 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.

Reason #12 to Love My Body:  Because Your Relationship is Reciprocal

I love this one because it's so true and because it's something that I think we've forgotten as a society.  As we create lots and lots and LOTS of artificial gunk to put in our food (from artificial sweeteners and colors to GMOs), we forget the old adage of "garbage in garbage out."

 I watched a fascinating episode of Cosmos last night with my family about evolution and how we have taken billions of years to evolve certain genetic dispositions.  And, as I listened to Neil de Grasse Tyson speak so eloquently, all I could think about was how the so called "modern diseases" have expanded so much over the past few decades and how our obesity epidemic is getting out of control.  And how much of that is caused by that "garbage in garbage out" philosophy.  Our bodies are not yet used to digesting and handling our way of life.  Eventually, I do believe that we will "garbage" ourselves into extinction.  Confused about what I mean?  Go watch Wall-E.  This is a scary representation of what humans could be sending themselves to in the future.  A world where we are morbidly obese riding around on cars all day long.  We are putting garbage such as artificial sweeteners and genetically modified foods into our bodies.  To compound the issue, the "fresh" stuff that we are getting isn't nearly as good for us as it used to be.  (See part one of this Paul Chek video series if you have some time...it's the first in a series of fascinating talks about why dirt is important.)  And the mental garbage that we feed ourselves is JUST as bad!!  I've spent the last few blogs talking about the disservice we do to ourselves in negative self talk and the "yeah buts.." and I'm not going further into it in this one.  But, that's MORE garbage in!!!

Now, I'm not immune to this.  I'm sitting here on my second latte (with splenda) of the day and enjoying myself.  I've had all sorts of things today that I would lump into the "garbage" category.  Worse, I'm not even putting any good exercise in.  (Yes...I consider sitting on my lazy ass at Starbucks part of the garbage in category.)  But, it's something I'm keenly aware of.  When I eat more fresh fruits, vegetables and lean natural proteins, my body feels better.  I have more energy and I enjoy life.  The more processed and bagged and boxed foods I eat, the more lethargic I feel and the worse I feel about myself.   And the worse I feel about myself, the more negative self talk I do.  And that leads to entire cycle of garbage in (physical, mental, emotional) and that's why I feel as yucky as I do some days.

So how do we break that cycle?  Pick one piece of garbage to THROW OUT!!!  And refuse to allow that garbage back in.  You could try to take all the garbage out at once but that might be a bit overwhelming!  So, create yourself a garbage bin (no recycle logos on it), and slowly pick things to get rid of.  It might be artificial sweeteners.  It might be cable TV or video games or even Facebook.  It might be that annoying person whose statuses just irk you the wrong way every time.  Whatever or whoever it is....THROW IT OUT!!!!  :)

NEED HELP?  Here's a pic to post on your fridge:

Because It Deserves It

Day #11 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.

Reason #11 to Love My Body:  Because It Deserves It

I think this is probably the hardest one for me to embrace so far.  I know that my body is strong and capable.  I know that my body is awesome and beautiful.  But loving my body simply because it is and because it deserves it is difficult.

I'm sure that there's lots of reasons that I deserve love and I can spout them off with the best of them.  But, sometimes, that just feels like lip service.  Knowing deep down and truly believing it is something completely different.  And something that I am still learning.   In fact, I could probably give you an amazingly long list of why my body is NOT deserving of love.  I'm too big.  I'm not pretty enough.  My abs aren't well defined.  I have funny looking toes.  I have had the same hairstyle since high school.  I couldn't care less about fashion sense.  I wear my pajamas to drop my kids off at school and to go shopping.  Yep -- I'm one of those.  But, the more I think about that, the more I realize that the reasons why NOT aren't mine: they are society's reasons.  And not a single one of those are a reason to dislike myself or my body.  They are somebody else's reasons to judge me.  And I refuse to live my life by someone else's standards.  I'm my own person -- and I'm fabulous.

I can read.  I can write.  I can type.  I can help others be their most amazing selves.  I have opinions about everything and I don't have a problem expressing those opinions.  I enjoy lifting.  I have a short attention span when it comes to planning.  I love coffee.  I love my friends.  I love my funky toes.  I have the most amazing curly hair.  I have quads that have been described as going on forever.  I have a c-section scar from where my daughters were born.  I have strong muscles and a smile for everyone.  I can stand up in front of thousands of people and not get stage fright.  I can speak eloquently in front of a CEO or exchange barbs with my friends.  There's lots of reasons for me to love my body.  And they are ALL MINE.  My own standards and my own beauty.  My own standards are the only ones that matter -- or the only ones that should.

Knowing it without a doubt every day though?  Still going to take time.

Because It's Unapologetically Strong

Day #10 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.

Reason #10 to Love My Body:  Because It's Unapologetically Strong

I threatened one of my clients with burpees this morning.  Know what she did?  She apologized for not doing an exercise perfectly on her first try.  Now, this particular client is in her early sixties and had leg surgery two weeks ago.  She's a trooper and almost always does anything I ask of her.  But, she also almost always whines about how terrible she is at it.  (And no, seriously....I wouldn't REALLY have made her do burpees.)

I threatened another one of my clients with burpees a few weeks ago.  Know what she did?  She told me that she knew that she was doing well, but that she knew she could do better.  And apologized.  To me!  For not coming in on her off days.

A weight loss turned strength client of mine recently commented that she wished she had super strong muscular legs like mine.  And I thanked her and immediately countered it with "and I wish I had abs like yours..."

I hear my clients and friends putting themselves down DAILY for things that they should be proud of.  Like hitting a PR or  losing two pounds over the past two weeks.  And I'm no stranger to this.  I don't think any of us are.  We have all been in that place where we are REALLY excited/proud/happy about something, and when someone comments on it, we immediately downplay it.  And why?  There isn't a reason except that women have been conditioned from youth to downplay a strength, whether that strength was mental or physical.  Somehow, I learned that smart women aren't liked.  Don't ask questions in class.  Don't show how smart you really are.  Don't always be the one to answer.  Certainly don't beat a boy in a physical contest?  Why the HELL not???

As girls, we are taught that kindness and giving and cooperation are where it is most important.  I am really good at sharing credit with others.  What I am NOT good at is explaining where I excel.  Because, for a long time, I didn't really think I excelled at anything.  I'm a "but..."  I'm good at a lot of things BUT I'm not great.  I'm a decent trainer but not fabulous.  I've lost a lot of weight but not THAT much.  I can deadlift a lot but not as much as others.  I recently (last weekend) hit a new bench PR of 105 pounds and I was ecstatic!  I had been working towards triple digits for awhile and it was HARD.  But, every time I thought about, I would think of a female friend of mine who benches well over 225 pounds.  Is she a beast?  Yep.  Is it fair to compare myself to her?  Nope.  Does it color my view of what I can do?  Yes.  And that's the problem.  My accomplishment was my accomplishment and even I downplayed it because I know someone who can do better.  Even when I received a compliment, I couldn't even just say thank you and move on.  I had to remind them how that really wasn't THAT awesome of an achievement.

One of my goals for the past few months has been to stop apologizing and stop with what I call the "buts."  I had recognized how often I put myself down and how often I apologized for things that I didn't need to apologize for.  I didn't call when I said I would?  Yes, apologize.  But the bananas are brown?  Yeah...not really something I need to apologize for.  Worst of all, I was starting sentences with "I know this is silly but....." or "I have this bizarre idea that...."  I could never just come out and say my idea or my thought.  I always prefaced it with a putdown, just in case the other person didn't like it, I had a way out.

BUT....I'm trying to catch myself in those now.  And it's hard.  REALLY HARD.  Because I never realized how often I was doing it until I started catching myself.  And then.... and then, I heard my daughter do it.  And. I. Was. Done.  I still have my slip up days, but they are getting further and further apart.  Which is good.

So... in conclusion, a list of amazing things that I am NOT SORRY for:

• my love of lifting
• my 200 pound deadlift
• my 105 pound bench press
• my two college degrees
• my personal training certification
• my insurance license
• winning any game I've ever won
• consistently kicking my husband's butt at Ruzzle
• my extensive vocabulary
• my love of grammar
• speaking two languages
• having finished in the top 30 of my graduating class of 860
• the 5 on my AP History test
• losing 50 pounds
• my ability to read LOTS of books quickly
• my interest in all things both nerdy and physical
• my fear of butterflies and moths
• my OCD
• my friendliness
• my enthusiasm
• my ability to look at the bright side of life (yes...I sang that in my head...get over it)
• my beautiful handwriting (both print and cursive)

I'd say that's a pretty long list of amazing things.  What is one thing that you are unapologetically strong about??