Today's feeling? Apprehensive.
I'm starting my very first 24 Day Challenge. I've prepped food... I've prepared my workouts for the month... I've taken measurements. I'm prepared. I AM! REALLY!!
So, why do I feel so scared?
Because this is new. And different. And I have friends counting on me to lead them through the challenge.
Because I have a tendency to overplan and overthink. And when I have too much planning and too much thinking? I don't always succeed.
Because it means I'll have to get through 24 days with no coffee. And I promised myself once upon a time that I would NEVER give up coffee.
Because I will have to succeed on my own. Yes, I have a great support team, but success here will depend solely on my actions.
Because taking responsibility for all the poor decisions I've made over the past year is HARD. And changing habits? That's hard too. In fact, it's easier to get up in the morning and jump right back into my normal habits. But, from experience, I know that it gets easier the more and more I do it.
So, yes... I'm apprehensive. And nervous.
But, I'm relishing the challenge of something different. I'm taking it one day at a time. I know that I can succeed on my own because I've done it. And taking responsibility? Absolutely done. I CAN DO THIS.
(Giving up coffee though? The jury's still out on that one......)
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Booster Shot Needed
I feel like a Britney Spears song.
I've oopsed and done it again. No matter how many times I start a plan, I go hard on it for a few days and then I'm back to the drawing board. The reality is that I LOVE making plans. I just don't particularly like executing them. I can run the gamut of excuses: I got bored. I didn't have time. I just started a new job. I don't have the right equipment. I was travelling. We were out of chicken.
Truth, though? Yes, those are all factors. But, I need to take responsibility for both my own actions and inactions. I just haven't been taking care of myself like I should.
I had my own personal intervention with myself and decided that I needed a booster shot of something to get me started.
Ask and ye shall receive, right? A week later, as part of my new job, I was given an AdvoCare distributorship. I was a little skeptical at first, but decided that it might just be the jump start I needed to get myself going again.
So, I created myself a workout plan and ordered my very first 24 DAY CHALLENGE! I'm starting the Sunday after Thanksgiving to give myself a great jump start to the new year.
Over the next 24 days, you'll see a return to the healthy me. One who is exercising and eating right. Want to follow my challenge? I'll be blogging periodically throughout the challenge to let everyone know progress and results.
Interested in joining me on the challenge and changing your own life?
Email me at breetaylortrainer@gmail.com.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Bagels, Pizza, and New York
My mother and grandmother tell the story at every family gathering of how I met my husband. I realize that may seem a little odd since it's usually the couple's story to tell. But, each of them remembers the phone call that I made to my mom just after I met the man I would eventually marry:
Me: Do you know where Lynbrook is?
Mom: Yes..... why?
Me: I'm dating this guy who grew up there.
Mom: It's about twenty minutes from your grandmother.
Me: Wow... what a small world.
Almost 19 years later, I look forward to our annual family trip to New York with relish and trepidation. I love Long Island and I love the city. I love the culture and the busy pace and being able to relax with my extended family. I love the friends I only see once a year. I love that 9:30 is considered early. I love the crazy drivers and crazy accents. I love that the expectations are high and how everyone seems so well educated and cultured. And I love that I get to experience foods that just don't exist anywhere else in the country: bagels, pizza, cheesecake, diner mozzarella sticks, and my mother-in-law's fabulous Italian cooking. Think bagels are the same no matter where you are? Ask your average New Yorker? They'll tell you exactly why you are wrong and then they will feed you a New York bagel and you will never look at a bagel package the same way again.
But those same fabulous foods are always the reason for my trepidation. Because I always indulge and I always come home at least a few pounds heavier. Worse, I always feel guilty and ashamed about not having followed "the plan."
I always start out my vacation with the best of intentions. I make myself plans and rules and promises for the trip: no bagels, limit the pizza, only eat the protein sources, join a gym, go running every day. I even remember one year where I brought my egg cooker, protein powder, and verified with my mother in law that I could use her blender. (Yes...I'm even eye rolling at myself.) No matter what though, I have ALWAYS fallen back on the yummy habits of the past. Fresh bagels and cream cheese for breakfast. Two slices of New York pizza. Italian cookies from Whistle Stop. Carvel Ice Cream. My mother-in-law's amazing cooking. And every single year, I come home heavier, feeling guilty and ashamed of how terribly I've eaten and how spectacularly I failed at my plans and rules and promises.
But not this year.
This year, I'm of a new mindset. Expecting perfection out of myself is ridiculous. Creating unreasonable rules and plans and promises is only a set-up for spectacular failure. Instead, I'm forgoing erroneous and arbitrary rules in favor of moderation. I'm going to appreciate the bagels and pizza and diner mozzarella sticks. I'm going to relish homemade meatballs and ribs and pasta yumminess. I'm going to savor the vanilla ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles from Carvel. Why? Because in the bigger picture, they are an incredibly small indulgence. I'm not going to scarf them down because I can. I will appreciate, relish, and savor each bite with gratitude.
Healthy for my physique? Surprisingly, yes.
By enjoying my indulgences, I stop the downward spiral of shame and guilt that accompanies them. For me, that spiral usually has me hunting more junk food in a fit of self-recrimination and loathing. But, instead of feeling hatred and reaching for more of what made me feel that way, I can accept that I'm indulging and do so with moderation. I know that that moderate indulgence prevents that bigger binge in the future. I understand that giving myself some grace and trust allows me to be able to enjoy those foods without guilt and without recrimination. Best of all, I'm able to actually ENJOY the foods that I love.
And when I go home a few pounds heavier, it will be with a happy belly and a peaceful heart.
 |
| Mmmmm... NY Pizza |
 |
| and bagels.... |
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Professional
Fitocracy published an article last week about 30 Fitness Professionals Under 30 who are changing the face of fitness. These people are up and comers in the field and, for the most part, I agreed with their selections. Women like Molly Galbraith, Nia Shanks, and Sohee Lee are all pioneers in women's fitness not just for their exercises, but in their work to help women love who they are. They are about learning exercises and making ourselves stronger mentally and emotionally, not just physically. Men such as Jon Goodman, Nick Tumminello, Greg Nuckols, and Chase Erwin. Jon puts out two amazing websites (PTDC and Viralnomics) which help trainers learn about being a trainer. Nick and Greg are all about the science of exercise. Chase is a fitness competitor who trains others in mind as well as body.
However, as I read the article, a look of puzzlement crossed my face. A fitness professional (to me) includes credentials such as a degree in fitness, a personal training certification, or other such education that can be passed on to others. This person is someone I can look to as an expert in the field. Whether man or woman, a fitness professional brings something more to the conversation than just a pretty face and rock solid abs.
While I am one hundred percent sure that each of the spotlighted individuals are more than a body in a picture, the article highlighted three women who were only listed as being worthy because they have won contests. Not one of the men in the article was solely mentioned for winning at a powerlifting or bodybuilding competition, much less a beauty pageant. I didn't see any men who were ONLY listed because of their prowess on the stage. These women are clearly dedicated to their chosen profession and look amazing in their photos. But, what message does it send to the users of Fitocracy? Especially as these are the people that users are supposed to look to as experts and professionals.
It sends a clear message that the women in fitness are held to a standard of their physique. Users of Fitocracy are usually new to fitness and looking for expert information from the knowledge section of the site. As a personal trainer, it saddens me to see the women in the fitness industry portrayed this way. I have to believe that there are other women in fitness that are experts and under 30. Women who have done more than win a beauty pageant or a bodybuilding competition. Women who have a following on their website because they espouse a belief that a woman is more than ab definition; that a woman's self worth is not linked to her physique; that a woman should aspire to her own fabulousness rather than aspiring to be like someone else. Women who have credentials as fitness experts.
Women in the fitness industry such as Molly Galbraith, Jill Coleman, Jen Sinkler, and Neghar Fonooni publish blogs on an almost daily basis about loving yourself for who you are, not attempting to reach the standard of a fitness model. And every single one of these women has at least a training certification.
Women today are inundated with pictures of the ideal -- websites, fitspiration, magazines, television, movies, music. It's ubiquitous. More spotlighting of the "perfect" is unnecessary and defeating. Spotlight the innovators. Show us the women providing a message of self-worth unconnected to physique. Highlight the professionals who teach us that we deserve to be more than an image on a screen.
However, as I read the article, a look of puzzlement crossed my face. A fitness professional (to me) includes credentials such as a degree in fitness, a personal training certification, or other such education that can be passed on to others. This person is someone I can look to as an expert in the field. Whether man or woman, a fitness professional brings something more to the conversation than just a pretty face and rock solid abs.
While I am one hundred percent sure that each of the spotlighted individuals are more than a body in a picture, the article highlighted three women who were only listed as being worthy because they have won contests. Not one of the men in the article was solely mentioned for winning at a powerlifting or bodybuilding competition, much less a beauty pageant. I didn't see any men who were ONLY listed because of their prowess on the stage. These women are clearly dedicated to their chosen profession and look amazing in their photos. But, what message does it send to the users of Fitocracy? Especially as these are the people that users are supposed to look to as experts and professionals.
It sends a clear message that the women in fitness are held to a standard of their physique. Users of Fitocracy are usually new to fitness and looking for expert information from the knowledge section of the site. As a personal trainer, it saddens me to see the women in the fitness industry portrayed this way. I have to believe that there are other women in fitness that are experts and under 30. Women who have done more than win a beauty pageant or a bodybuilding competition. Women who have a following on their website because they espouse a belief that a woman is more than ab definition; that a woman's self worth is not linked to her physique; that a woman should aspire to her own fabulousness rather than aspiring to be like someone else. Women who have credentials as fitness experts.
Women in the fitness industry such as Molly Galbraith, Jill Coleman, Jen Sinkler, and Neghar Fonooni publish blogs on an almost daily basis about loving yourself for who you are, not attempting to reach the standard of a fitness model. And every single one of these women has at least a training certification.
Women today are inundated with pictures of the ideal -- websites, fitspiration, magazines, television, movies, music. It's ubiquitous. More spotlighting of the "perfect" is unnecessary and defeating. Spotlight the innovators. Show us the women providing a message of self-worth unconnected to physique. Highlight the professionals who teach us that we deserve to be more than an image on a screen.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Welcome Back to the Hamster Wheel
A little over three years ago, I made a fairly random decision to train for a half marathon. There were reasons and thoughts and rationales. But, I decided to do it. And, after making the decision, one of the first things I did was to create a blog to chronicle my journey towards the half marathon. (This was really a way of keeping myself accountable to anyone who cared to read it.)
Looking for a binder in my house last night, I came across two binders that gave me pause. The first was my old running binder. When I started running, that thing never left my sight!! Flipping through it, I read through my first running plans, saw my first calendars of run days, and smiled to myself. The second binder was filled with my old blog entries. As I read, I was shocked at the positivity that exuded from the print. I read through entries describing my first injuries, my first run in the rain, my first 5k. I watched my "team" grow from a few close friends to a "team" that included neighbors and people I had never met. I saw myself meet the two people who would go on to have the biggest impacts on my fitness life. And then, I realized something important: I didn't mention weight loss. Or fat loss. Or any numbers on a scale.
NOT ONCE.
And I was happy. I was learning. I was meeting new people. I was inspiring others. And as revealing as this was, it wasn't nearly as revealing as the next thought.
WHAT HAPPENED?
At what point did I go from being excited about running a half marathon to being obsessed about the number on the scale? What decision did I make that led to excessive scrutiny of my body?
The answer is this: I don't know. Somewhere along my journey, that ever present number on the scale became more and more important. And as it became more important, my happiness dwindled. What started out as a fun way to get PTO morphed into an obsession with the perfect diet and exercise plan to help me reach an arbitrary goal. So, last night as I went to bed, I made a decision. I'm done with numbers and arbitrary. I'm done with someone else's vision of perfection. In fact, I'm done with my own vision of perfection. I'm not perfect. I never will be. I have no desire to be that perfect fitness model. Perfect abs and definition are not in my future. I will never be the fastest, lift the most weight, or be on the cover of a magazine. By setting these unreasonable expectations, I have been setting myself up for failure for over two years. And I have achieved every minute of that failure.
And now I'm done with it. Here's to chronicling the next part of my journey, where I learn to have a mindset that is positive and grateful. Happy with myself and forgiving of my imperfections, because they are what help me to learn and grow.
Welcome back to the Hamster Wheel. It's been too long.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Because It's Honesty and Intuition are Incredibly Powerful
Day #13 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #13 to Love My Body: Because It's Honesty and Intuition are Incredibly Powerful
I first read this from Molly and laughed. Honest and intuitive? My body?? My body that craves chips and pretzels and coffee and chocolate covered espresso beans straight from Seattle??? Uh huh... Yeah, right!!! But, then I started thinking about it. And realized that Molly is absolutely right. My BODY is incredibly honest and intuitive. My BODY knows what it needs, whether that is exercise, rest, or proper nutrition. And when I give it what it wants (good stuff in), it responds well (good stuff out) with a good mindset, muscles, and proper digestion.
Where I think the problem lies is that our BODIES know what they want, but our BRAINS get in the way. Have you ever been running or lifting and thought to yourself, "I can't do that..." It's not your body that gets in the way usually. It's your mind that convinces you that you can't. I can't count the number of times that my mind told me that I couldn't go that far... that I couldn't lift that much... that I couldn't possibly run that fast. And it wasn't until my first bonk that I truly understood what CAN'T meant. (Interested? Read that blog entry....) I'm pretty sure that my body doesn't crave chips. It craves the salt, because the salt makes me drink more water. So really my craving for chips is a craving for water, showing myself that I'm dehydrated. My body is giving my brain the correct information that I need hydration. And my brain is sending the message that it has LEARNED will get it water: make her eat salty foods and the water will come. Is that my body sending the wrong message? Nope... it's my brain that has learned that messages of THIRSTY NOW will be repeatedly ignored. So, my brain sends out an incorrect message deliberately to get the body what it wants. A small example of something that I have intuited over the years. And this is true with sleep (think caffeine), exercise (grouchiness), and sweet cravings (fruit is way better than candy). Teaching your brain to interpret the messages of your body is about trusting the body and listening to it, rather than the conditioned messages from your brain. Once you trust your body and listen to it's messages, those conditioned messages will change.
So how can you listen to your body and make sure that your brain is interpreting the messages correctly? LOVE your body. And TRUST it. And be HONEST back with it. It may take time, but YOU are absolutely worth it!
Reason #13 to Love My Body: Because It's Honesty and Intuition are Incredibly Powerful
I first read this from Molly and laughed. Honest and intuitive? My body?? My body that craves chips and pretzels and coffee and chocolate covered espresso beans straight from Seattle??? Uh huh... Yeah, right!!! But, then I started thinking about it. And realized that Molly is absolutely right. My BODY is incredibly honest and intuitive. My BODY knows what it needs, whether that is exercise, rest, or proper nutrition. And when I give it what it wants (good stuff in), it responds well (good stuff out) with a good mindset, muscles, and proper digestion.
Where I think the problem lies is that our BODIES know what they want, but our BRAINS get in the way. Have you ever been running or lifting and thought to yourself, "I can't do that..." It's not your body that gets in the way usually. It's your mind that convinces you that you can't. I can't count the number of times that my mind told me that I couldn't go that far... that I couldn't lift that much... that I couldn't possibly run that fast. And it wasn't until my first bonk that I truly understood what CAN'T meant. (Interested? Read that blog entry....) I'm pretty sure that my body doesn't crave chips. It craves the salt, because the salt makes me drink more water. So really my craving for chips is a craving for water, showing myself that I'm dehydrated. My body is giving my brain the correct information that I need hydration. And my brain is sending the message that it has LEARNED will get it water: make her eat salty foods and the water will come. Is that my body sending the wrong message? Nope... it's my brain that has learned that messages of THIRSTY NOW will be repeatedly ignored. So, my brain sends out an incorrect message deliberately to get the body what it wants. A small example of something that I have intuited over the years. And this is true with sleep (think caffeine), exercise (grouchiness), and sweet cravings (fruit is way better than candy). Teaching your brain to interpret the messages of your body is about trusting the body and listening to it, rather than the conditioned messages from your brain. Once you trust your body and listen to it's messages, those conditioned messages will change.
So how can you listen to your body and make sure that your brain is interpreting the messages correctly? LOVE your body. And TRUST it. And be HONEST back with it. It may take time, but YOU are absolutely worth it!
Train your mind for running, for lifting, for life. Just TRAIN IT!
Monday, March 17, 2014
Because Your Relationship is Reciprocal
Day #12 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #12 to Love My Body: Because Your Relationship is Reciprocal
I love this one because it's so true and because it's something that I think we've forgotten as a society. As we create lots and lots and LOTS of artificial gunk to put in our food (from artificial sweeteners and colors to GMOs), we forget the old adage of "garbage in garbage out."
I watched a fascinating episode of Cosmos last night with my family about evolution and how we have taken billions of years to evolve certain genetic dispositions. And, as I listened to Neil de Grasse Tyson speak so eloquently, all I could think about was how the so called "modern diseases" have expanded so much over the past few decades and how our obesity epidemic is getting out of control. And how much of that is caused by that "garbage in garbage out" philosophy. Our bodies are not yet used to digesting and handling our way of life. Eventually, I do believe that we will "garbage" ourselves into extinction. Confused about what I mean? Go watch Wall-E. This is a scary representation of what humans could be sending themselves to in the future. A world where we are morbidly obese riding around on cars all day long. We are putting garbage such as artificial sweeteners and genetically modified foods into our bodies. To compound the issue, the "fresh" stuff that we are getting isn't nearly as good for us as it used to be. (See part one of this Paul Chek video series if you have some time...it's the first in a series of fascinating talks about why dirt is important.) And the mental garbage that we feed ourselves is JUST as bad!! I've spent the last few blogs talking about the disservice we do to ourselves in negative self talk and the "yeah buts.." and I'm not going further into it in this one. But, that's MORE garbage in!!!
Now, I'm not immune to this. I'm sitting here on my second latte (with splenda) of the day and enjoying myself. I've had all sorts of things today that I would lump into the "garbage" category. Worse, I'm not even putting any good exercise in. (Yes...I consider sitting on my lazy ass at Starbucks part of the garbage in category.) But, it's something I'm keenly aware of. When I eat more fresh fruits, vegetables and lean natural proteins, my body feels better. I have more energy and I enjoy life. The more processed and bagged and boxed foods I eat, the more lethargic I feel and the worse I feel about myself. And the worse I feel about myself, the more negative self talk I do. And that leads to entire cycle of garbage in (physical, mental, emotional) and that's why I feel as yucky as I do some days.
So how do we break that cycle? Pick one piece of garbage to THROW OUT!!! And refuse to allow that garbage back in. You could try to take all the garbage out at once but that might be a bit overwhelming! So, create yourself a garbage bin (no recycle logos on it), and slowly pick things to get rid of. It might be artificial sweeteners. It might be cable TV or video games or even Facebook. It might be that annoying person whose statuses just irk you the wrong way every time. Whatever or whoever it is....THROW IT OUT!!!! :)
NEED HELP? Here's a pic to post on your fridge:
Reason #12 to Love My Body: Because Your Relationship is Reciprocal
I love this one because it's so true and because it's something that I think we've forgotten as a society. As we create lots and lots and LOTS of artificial gunk to put in our food (from artificial sweeteners and colors to GMOs), we forget the old adage of "garbage in garbage out."
I watched a fascinating episode of Cosmos last night with my family about evolution and how we have taken billions of years to evolve certain genetic dispositions. And, as I listened to Neil de Grasse Tyson speak so eloquently, all I could think about was how the so called "modern diseases" have expanded so much over the past few decades and how our obesity epidemic is getting out of control. And how much of that is caused by that "garbage in garbage out" philosophy. Our bodies are not yet used to digesting and handling our way of life. Eventually, I do believe that we will "garbage" ourselves into extinction. Confused about what I mean? Go watch Wall-E. This is a scary representation of what humans could be sending themselves to in the future. A world where we are morbidly obese riding around on cars all day long. We are putting garbage such as artificial sweeteners and genetically modified foods into our bodies. To compound the issue, the "fresh" stuff that we are getting isn't nearly as good for us as it used to be. (See part one of this Paul Chek video series if you have some time...it's the first in a series of fascinating talks about why dirt is important.) And the mental garbage that we feed ourselves is JUST as bad!! I've spent the last few blogs talking about the disservice we do to ourselves in negative self talk and the "yeah buts.." and I'm not going further into it in this one. But, that's MORE garbage in!!!
Now, I'm not immune to this. I'm sitting here on my second latte (with splenda) of the day and enjoying myself. I've had all sorts of things today that I would lump into the "garbage" category. Worse, I'm not even putting any good exercise in. (Yes...I consider sitting on my lazy ass at Starbucks part of the garbage in category.) But, it's something I'm keenly aware of. When I eat more fresh fruits, vegetables and lean natural proteins, my body feels better. I have more energy and I enjoy life. The more processed and bagged and boxed foods I eat, the more lethargic I feel and the worse I feel about myself. And the worse I feel about myself, the more negative self talk I do. And that leads to entire cycle of garbage in (physical, mental, emotional) and that's why I feel as yucky as I do some days.
So how do we break that cycle? Pick one piece of garbage to THROW OUT!!! And refuse to allow that garbage back in. You could try to take all the garbage out at once but that might be a bit overwhelming! So, create yourself a garbage bin (no recycle logos on it), and slowly pick things to get rid of. It might be artificial sweeteners. It might be cable TV or video games or even Facebook. It might be that annoying person whose statuses just irk you the wrong way every time. Whatever or whoever it is....THROW IT OUT!!!! :)
NEED HELP? Here's a pic to post on your fridge:
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Because It Deserves It
Day #11 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #11 to Love My Body: Because It Deserves It
I think this is probably the hardest one for me to embrace so far. I know that my body is strong and capable. I know that my body is awesome and beautiful. But loving my body simply because it is and because it deserves it is difficult.
I'm sure that there's lots of reasons that I deserve love and I can spout them off with the best of them. But, sometimes, that just feels like lip service. Knowing deep down and truly believing it is something completely different. And something that I am still learning. In fact, I could probably give you an amazingly long list of why my body is NOT deserving of love. I'm too big. I'm not pretty enough. My abs aren't well defined. I have funny looking toes. I have had the same hairstyle since high school. I couldn't care less about fashion sense. I wear my pajamas to drop my kids off at school and to go shopping. Yep -- I'm one of those. But, the more I think about that, the more I realize that the reasons why NOT aren't mine: they are society's reasons. And not a single one of those are a reason to dislike myself or my body. They are somebody else's reasons to judge me. And I refuse to live my life by someone else's standards. I'm my own person -- and I'm fabulous.
I can read. I can write. I can type. I can help others be their most amazing selves. I have opinions about everything and I don't have a problem expressing those opinions. I enjoy lifting. I have a short attention span when it comes to planning. I love coffee. I love my friends. I love my funky toes. I have the most amazing curly hair. I have quads that have been described as going on forever. I have a c-section scar from where my daughters were born. I have strong muscles and a smile for everyone. I can stand up in front of thousands of people and not get stage fright. I can speak eloquently in front of a CEO or exchange barbs with my friends. There's lots of reasons for me to love my body. And they are ALL MINE. My own standards and my own beauty. My own standards are the only ones that matter -- or the only ones that should.
Knowing it without a doubt every day though? Still going to take time.
Reason #11 to Love My Body: Because It Deserves It
I think this is probably the hardest one for me to embrace so far. I know that my body is strong and capable. I know that my body is awesome and beautiful. But loving my body simply because it is and because it deserves it is difficult.
I'm sure that there's lots of reasons that I deserve love and I can spout them off with the best of them. But, sometimes, that just feels like lip service. Knowing deep down and truly believing it is something completely different. And something that I am still learning. In fact, I could probably give you an amazingly long list of why my body is NOT deserving of love. I'm too big. I'm not pretty enough. My abs aren't well defined. I have funny looking toes. I have had the same hairstyle since high school. I couldn't care less about fashion sense. I wear my pajamas to drop my kids off at school and to go shopping. Yep -- I'm one of those. But, the more I think about that, the more I realize that the reasons why NOT aren't mine: they are society's reasons. And not a single one of those are a reason to dislike myself or my body. They are somebody else's reasons to judge me. And I refuse to live my life by someone else's standards. I'm my own person -- and I'm fabulous.
I can read. I can write. I can type. I can help others be their most amazing selves. I have opinions about everything and I don't have a problem expressing those opinions. I enjoy lifting. I have a short attention span when it comes to planning. I love coffee. I love my friends. I love my funky toes. I have the most amazing curly hair. I have quads that have been described as going on forever. I have a c-section scar from where my daughters were born. I have strong muscles and a smile for everyone. I can stand up in front of thousands of people and not get stage fright. I can speak eloquently in front of a CEO or exchange barbs with my friends. There's lots of reasons for me to love my body. And they are ALL MINE. My own standards and my own beauty. My own standards are the only ones that matter -- or the only ones that should.
Knowing it without a doubt every day though? Still going to take time.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Because It's Unapologetically Strong
Day #10 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #10 to Love My Body: Because It's Unapologetically Strong
I threatened one of my clients with burpees this morning. Know what she did? She apologized for not doing an exercise perfectly on her first try. Now, this particular client is in her early sixties and had leg surgery two weeks ago. She's a trooper and almost always does anything I ask of her. But, she also almost always whines about how terrible she is at it. (And no, seriously....I wouldn't REALLY have made her do burpees.)
I threatened another one of my clients with burpees a few weeks ago. Know what she did? She told me that she knew that she was doing well, but that she knew she could do better. And apologized. To me! For not coming in on her off days.
A weight loss turned strength client of mine recently commented that she wished she had super strong muscular legs like mine. And I thanked her and immediately countered it with "and I wish I had abs like yours..."
I hear my clients and friends putting themselves down DAILY for things that they should be proud of. Like hitting a PR or losing two pounds over the past two weeks. And I'm no stranger to this. I don't think any of us are. We have all been in that place where we are REALLY excited/proud/happy about something, and when someone comments on it, we immediately downplay it. And why? There isn't a reason except that women have been conditioned from youth to downplay a strength, whether that strength was mental or physical. Somehow, I learned that smart women aren't liked. Don't ask questions in class. Don't show how smart you really are. Don't always be the one to answer. Certainly don't beat a boy in a physical contest? Why the HELL not???
As girls, we are taught that kindness and giving and cooperation are where it is most important. I am really good at sharing credit with others. What I am NOT good at is explaining where I excel. Because, for a long time, I didn't really think I excelled at anything. I'm a "but..." I'm good at a lot of things BUT I'm not great. I'm a decent trainer but not fabulous. I've lost a lot of weight but not THAT much. I can deadlift a lot but not as much as others. I recently (last weekend) hit a new bench PR of 105 pounds and I was ecstatic! I had been working towards triple digits for awhile and it was HARD. But, every time I thought about, I would think of a female friend of mine who benches well over 225 pounds. Is she a beast? Yep. Is it fair to compare myself to her? Nope. Does it color my view of what I can do? Yes. And that's the problem. My accomplishment was my accomplishment and even I downplayed it because I know someone who can do better. Even when I received a compliment, I couldn't even just say thank you and move on. I had to remind them how that really wasn't THAT awesome of an achievement.
One of my goals for the past few months has been to stop apologizing and stop with what I call the "buts." I had recognized how often I put myself down and how often I apologized for things that I didn't need to apologize for. I didn't call when I said I would? Yes, apologize. But the bananas are brown? Yeah...not really something I need to apologize for. Worst of all, I was starting sentences with "I know this is silly but....." or "I have this bizarre idea that...." I could never just come out and say my idea or my thought. I always prefaced it with a putdown, just in case the other person didn't like it, I had a way out.
BUT....I'm trying to catch myself in those now. And it's hard. REALLY HARD. Because I never realized how often I was doing it until I started catching myself. And then.... and then, I heard my daughter do it. And. I. Was. Done. I still have my slip up days, but they are getting further and further apart. Which is good.
So... in conclusion, a list of amazing things that I am NOT SORRY for:
Reason #10 to Love My Body: Because It's Unapologetically Strong
I threatened one of my clients with burpees this morning. Know what she did? She apologized for not doing an exercise perfectly on her first try. Now, this particular client is in her early sixties and had leg surgery two weeks ago. She's a trooper and almost always does anything I ask of her. But, she also almost always whines about how terrible she is at it. (And no, seriously....I wouldn't REALLY have made her do burpees.)
I threatened another one of my clients with burpees a few weeks ago. Know what she did? She told me that she knew that she was doing well, but that she knew she could do better. And apologized. To me! For not coming in on her off days.
A weight loss turned strength client of mine recently commented that she wished she had super strong muscular legs like mine. And I thanked her and immediately countered it with "and I wish I had abs like yours..."
I hear my clients and friends putting themselves down DAILY for things that they should be proud of. Like hitting a PR or losing two pounds over the past two weeks. And I'm no stranger to this. I don't think any of us are. We have all been in that place where we are REALLY excited/proud/happy about something, and when someone comments on it, we immediately downplay it. And why? There isn't a reason except that women have been conditioned from youth to downplay a strength, whether that strength was mental or physical. Somehow, I learned that smart women aren't liked. Don't ask questions in class. Don't show how smart you really are. Don't always be the one to answer. Certainly don't beat a boy in a physical contest? Why the HELL not???
As girls, we are taught that kindness and giving and cooperation are where it is most important. I am really good at sharing credit with others. What I am NOT good at is explaining where I excel. Because, for a long time, I didn't really think I excelled at anything. I'm a "but..." I'm good at a lot of things BUT I'm not great. I'm a decent trainer but not fabulous. I've lost a lot of weight but not THAT much. I can deadlift a lot but not as much as others. I recently (last weekend) hit a new bench PR of 105 pounds and I was ecstatic! I had been working towards triple digits for awhile and it was HARD. But, every time I thought about, I would think of a female friend of mine who benches well over 225 pounds. Is she a beast? Yep. Is it fair to compare myself to her? Nope. Does it color my view of what I can do? Yes. And that's the problem. My accomplishment was my accomplishment and even I downplayed it because I know someone who can do better. Even when I received a compliment, I couldn't even just say thank you and move on. I had to remind them how that really wasn't THAT awesome of an achievement.
One of my goals for the past few months has been to stop apologizing and stop with what I call the "buts." I had recognized how often I put myself down and how often I apologized for things that I didn't need to apologize for. I didn't call when I said I would? Yes, apologize. But the bananas are brown? Yeah...not really something I need to apologize for. Worst of all, I was starting sentences with "I know this is silly but....." or "I have this bizarre idea that...." I could never just come out and say my idea or my thought. I always prefaced it with a putdown, just in case the other person didn't like it, I had a way out.
BUT....I'm trying to catch myself in those now. And it's hard. REALLY HARD. Because I never realized how often I was doing it until I started catching myself. And then.... and then, I heard my daughter do it. And. I. Was. Done. I still have my slip up days, but they are getting further and further apart. Which is good.
So... in conclusion, a list of amazing things that I am NOT SORRY for:
- my love of lifting
- my 200 pound deadlift
- my 105 pound bench press
- my two college degrees
- my personal training certification
- my insurance license
- winning any game I've ever won
- consistently kicking my husband's butt at Ruzzle
- my extensive vocabulary
- my love of grammar
- speaking two languages
- having finished in the top 30 of my graduating class of 860
- the 5 on my AP History test
- losing 50 pounds
- my ability to read LOTS of books quickly
- my interest in all things both nerdy and physical
- my fear of butterflies and moths
- my OCD
- my friendliness
- my enthusiasm
- my ability to look at the bright side of life (yes...I sang that in my head...get over it)
- my beautiful handwriting (both print and cursive)
I'd say that's a pretty long list of amazing things. What is one thing that you are unapologetically strong about??
Because It's Awesome
Day 9 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #9 to Love My Body: Because It's Awesome!
Awesome is such a fun word. In fact, it's one of my favorite words. And the idea of training to be awesome is very much something I would like to embrace. But awesome is also incredibly subjective. Is training to be awesome being able to win a powerlifting competition? Is it training to have defined abs? Is awesome sticking to my macros every single day? I say a resounding HELL NO to all of these. Training to be awesome is similar to strength and takes three components to do it: physical, mental, and emotional.
Physically, training to be awesome is about function. Now, I realize that functional training to some people is trying to stand on a BOSU ball and lift weights. I've seen that version of functional training and it never quite looks functional to me. I can't figure out when on earth I would ever need that skill. To me, functional training to be awesome is about taking the training I do in the gym and applying it to every day life. To complete the task of laundry in my house, it requires repetitive squats to pick up all the clothes that don't make it into the basket INTO the basket. It requires a deadlift to pick up the basket. Endurance to carry that basket down two flights of stairs. Lots of twisting to get the laundry from the washer to the dryer. More deadlifting and endurance to get the laundry from the basement back up the two flights of stairs. And then more endurance to put it all away. Am I exaggerating a little? Maybe.... but for a good point. I don't ever want to be that person who is so muscle-bound that I don't have the flexibility to reach back for a seatbelt in a car. At the same time, I don't want to be so weak that I can't pick up my kids. And I definitely want to keep racing my kids! To do that, my training has to mirror what I want it to do. Have I gotten that figured out yet? Nope. But, it's continually being refined every step of the way.
Mentally and emotionally, training to be awesome is about mindset and learning to appreciate life. Somewhere and somewhen in my life, my relationship with food and diet got very messed up. I learned that foods were "good" and "bad." I counted macros and points and weighed every morsel that went into my mouth. If I didn't know the nutrition facts, it quite simply didn't get eaten. Now, this can be an excellent way to lose weight and get that "look" that people always want. But, emotionally for me, it was one of the unhealthiest, least awesome ways to train that I know. Counting points and counting macros has left me with an even worse relationship with food. Definitely NOT training for awesomeness. So for me, for today, this is my focus of awesome. Learning to eat for enjoyment and learning to not stress about everything that I consume.
Am I already awesome? Yes. Can I train to improve on my already fabulous awesomeness? Absolutely. And because awesome is ALWAYS one of my favorite words...I shall leave you with the epitome of awesome.
Reason #9 to Love My Body: Because It's Awesome!
Awesome is such a fun word. In fact, it's one of my favorite words. And the idea of training to be awesome is very much something I would like to embrace. But awesome is also incredibly subjective. Is training to be awesome being able to win a powerlifting competition? Is it training to have defined abs? Is awesome sticking to my macros every single day? I say a resounding HELL NO to all of these. Training to be awesome is similar to strength and takes three components to do it: physical, mental, and emotional.
Physically, training to be awesome is about function. Now, I realize that functional training to some people is trying to stand on a BOSU ball and lift weights. I've seen that version of functional training and it never quite looks functional to me. I can't figure out when on earth I would ever need that skill. To me, functional training to be awesome is about taking the training I do in the gym and applying it to every day life. To complete the task of laundry in my house, it requires repetitive squats to pick up all the clothes that don't make it into the basket INTO the basket. It requires a deadlift to pick up the basket. Endurance to carry that basket down two flights of stairs. Lots of twisting to get the laundry from the washer to the dryer. More deadlifting and endurance to get the laundry from the basement back up the two flights of stairs. And then more endurance to put it all away. Am I exaggerating a little? Maybe.... but for a good point. I don't ever want to be that person who is so muscle-bound that I don't have the flexibility to reach back for a seatbelt in a car. At the same time, I don't want to be so weak that I can't pick up my kids. And I definitely want to keep racing my kids! To do that, my training has to mirror what I want it to do. Have I gotten that figured out yet? Nope. But, it's continually being refined every step of the way.
Mentally and emotionally, training to be awesome is about mindset and learning to appreciate life. Somewhere and somewhen in my life, my relationship with food and diet got very messed up. I learned that foods were "good" and "bad." I counted macros and points and weighed every morsel that went into my mouth. If I didn't know the nutrition facts, it quite simply didn't get eaten. Now, this can be an excellent way to lose weight and get that "look" that people always want. But, emotionally for me, it was one of the unhealthiest, least awesome ways to train that I know. Counting points and counting macros has left me with an even worse relationship with food. Definitely NOT training for awesomeness. So for me, for today, this is my focus of awesome. Learning to eat for enjoyment and learning to not stress about everything that I consume.
Am I already awesome? Yes. Can I train to improve on my already fabulous awesomeness? Absolutely. And because awesome is ALWAYS one of my favorite words...I shall leave you with the epitome of awesome.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Because It Can Move
Day 8 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #8 to Love My Body: Because It Can Move
Here I am, a quarter of the way through the Love My Body challenge and already I am feeling stronger and more mentally and emotionally capable of tackling challenges than I was a week ago. I have heard from friends and family that, in addition to happiness at seeing me blog again, that I am making a difference in others' lives as well. Which was the whole point of doing this publicly. So, please continue with me on my journey to a happier, healthier mental place where I am able to enjoy myself just as I am!
For as long as I can remember, my mother has complained of pain. Whether that was pain in her foot or pain from her fibromyalgia, she does not go through a day without intense and sometimes debilitating physical pain. It is painful for her to merely walk around the grocery store, much less enjoy the arts festivals that she loves. It is painful for her to stay in one position or to move around. She has had more shots to help relieve pain than I can count. I love my mother deeply and it is difficult to see her in so much pain. I try to sympathize and I try to understand. But, the reality is that I can't. I cannot empathize or even come close to comprehending what it would be like to have pain with every movement of my body. I am one of the fortunate ones. And sometimes it is easy to take that freedom of movement for granted.
Because I can sit on the couch without pain. I can wander around an arts festival or walk to the park with my kids. I can drive myself to work and back. I can dance with my husband. I am fortunate that I can carry two loads of laundry from the basement to the second floor without experiencing pain. I can hike around a national or state park without needing to worry about handrails and whether or not I will be out of commission for the rest of the day. Deadlifting and bench pressing and squatting are fun for me. Racing my daughter to the school doors every day is something that I treasure. I can play volleyball and feel the sand in my toes. Even just the pure motion of stretching is cathartic.
I very frequently take all this movement for granted. And I shouldn't. My mom pushes herself to do both the most mundane and the most amazing things while in pain and I admire both the mental and physical strength to get through that. While I hope that I won't ever have to endure that kind of pain, I know that my mom will be the person I will look to for the courage and conviction to guide my way.
Reason #8 to Love My Body: Because It Can Move
Here I am, a quarter of the way through the Love My Body challenge and already I am feeling stronger and more mentally and emotionally capable of tackling challenges than I was a week ago. I have heard from friends and family that, in addition to happiness at seeing me blog again, that I am making a difference in others' lives as well. Which was the whole point of doing this publicly. So, please continue with me on my journey to a happier, healthier mental place where I am able to enjoy myself just as I am!
For as long as I can remember, my mother has complained of pain. Whether that was pain in her foot or pain from her fibromyalgia, she does not go through a day without intense and sometimes debilitating physical pain. It is painful for her to merely walk around the grocery store, much less enjoy the arts festivals that she loves. It is painful for her to stay in one position or to move around. She has had more shots to help relieve pain than I can count. I love my mother deeply and it is difficult to see her in so much pain. I try to sympathize and I try to understand. But, the reality is that I can't. I cannot empathize or even come close to comprehending what it would be like to have pain with every movement of my body. I am one of the fortunate ones. And sometimes it is easy to take that freedom of movement for granted.
Because I can sit on the couch without pain. I can wander around an arts festival or walk to the park with my kids. I can drive myself to work and back. I can dance with my husband. I am fortunate that I can carry two loads of laundry from the basement to the second floor without experiencing pain. I can hike around a national or state park without needing to worry about handrails and whether or not I will be out of commission for the rest of the day. Deadlifting and bench pressing and squatting are fun for me. Racing my daughter to the school doors every day is something that I treasure. I can play volleyball and feel the sand in my toes. Even just the pure motion of stretching is cathartic.
I very frequently take all this movement for granted. And I shouldn't. My mom pushes herself to do both the most mundane and the most amazing things while in pain and I admire both the mental and physical strength to get through that. While I hope that I won't ever have to endure that kind of pain, I know that my mom will be the person I will look to for the courage and conviction to guide my way.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Because It Can Experience Pleasure
Day 7 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #7 to Love My Body: Because It Can Experience Pleasure
Haha! There is so much fun to be had with this topic, but I think I'll keep it clean (mostly). My body experiences pleasure through all five of my senses: the smell of brewing coffee, the taste of chocolate, the sight of the sky as it turns to blue in the morning, the feel of a barbell between my hands, the sound of my children's laughter. There are so many ways that I get to experience the pure bliss of sensation that I mostly take them all for granted. Today's mission is to write down a list of my pleasures (big and small, simple and complex) that I get to enjoy! I'm going to enjoy by sense...
I have the pleasure of seeing smiles. I have the pleasure of seeing where I'm walking. I get to enjoy the sight of a sunrise, a sunset. I can see to put weights on my barbells. I have the sheer immense pleasure of reading a book. I am fortunate enough that my eyes can see to drive myself anywhere, which gives me freedom. Seeing pictures and being able to know that the words that I type are correct is something that I take for granted. I can see to swype on my phone and read a text. I can read and get lost in the internet on a variety of very silly sites.
I have the pleasure of hearing my alarm clock in the morning (so I'm not late). I have the pleasure of hearing fabulous songs on the radio. I have the pleasure of hearing someone say "I love you." I have the pleasure of hearing all the fun sounds of summer like lawnmowers and crickets in the summer. I can hear the patter of rain or the blowing of snow on the roof during weather. I get to hear thunder even if it scares me! I can hear all the songs of One Direction blaring from my daughter's room (and be thankful that it isn't Justin Bieber). I can joyfully hear myself complain about the loud music emanating from my daughter's bedroom. I can hear people to talk endlessly on the phone.
I have the pleasure of tasting a deliciously crafted latte from Starbucks. I have the pleasure of tasting some amazing homemade marinara sauce. I know what a Snickers bar tastes like. I can taste fruit and fish and chicken and doughnuts and know the difference between all of these things! I can eat for pleasure and not just for sustenance. I can taste rain and snow and sunshine! I can taste when something is off and know not to eat it!
I have the pleasure of smelling some beautiful perfume. I can smell a spring day when the flowers are blooming. I can smell cut grass. I can smell the hard work of dirty sweaty clothes. I can smell cookies baking and sauce cooking and chocolate. I can smell the salt lick of the ocean and the cool mountain air of the trees. I have the pleasure of knowing the smells of winter, spring, summer and fall. I can smell peanut butter and freshly made ice cream. I can smell coffee brewing. I can smell espresso brewing. Have I mentioned coffee yet?
I have the pleasure of feeling silk and lace and all those happy girly feels of beautiful clothes on my body. I have the pleasure of feeling sand in my toes on the beach. I have the pleasure of hugs and kisses. I have the pleasure of the best hugs on the planet from my family. I have the pleasure of knowing the difference between a hug hello, a hug goodbye, and a hug of comfort. And they are all distinctly different. I have the pleasure of feeling the spark that ignites when you touch someone special for the first time. I am distinctly fortunate to have that feeling every day with the man I married. I have the pleasure of feeling someone play with my hair and touch me in all the romantic ways he knows I love. I have the pleasure of feeling the delicious cold of snow and the fall of rain and the grass beneath my feet in summer. And today, I had the pleasure of feeling a barbell between my hands and knowing the feeling of strength.
So yeah, I can experience pleasure...in all sorts of amazing ways. Even ways I take for granted on a daily basis.
Reason #7 to Love My Body: Because It Can Experience Pleasure
Haha! There is so much fun to be had with this topic, but I think I'll keep it clean (mostly). My body experiences pleasure through all five of my senses: the smell of brewing coffee, the taste of chocolate, the sight of the sky as it turns to blue in the morning, the feel of a barbell between my hands, the sound of my children's laughter. There are so many ways that I get to experience the pure bliss of sensation that I mostly take them all for granted. Today's mission is to write down a list of my pleasures (big and small, simple and complex) that I get to enjoy! I'm going to enjoy by sense...
I have the pleasure of seeing smiles. I have the pleasure of seeing where I'm walking. I get to enjoy the sight of a sunrise, a sunset. I can see to put weights on my barbells. I have the sheer immense pleasure of reading a book. I am fortunate enough that my eyes can see to drive myself anywhere, which gives me freedom. Seeing pictures and being able to know that the words that I type are correct is something that I take for granted. I can see to swype on my phone and read a text. I can read and get lost in the internet on a variety of very silly sites.
I have the pleasure of hearing my alarm clock in the morning (so I'm not late). I have the pleasure of hearing fabulous songs on the radio. I have the pleasure of hearing someone say "I love you." I have the pleasure of hearing all the fun sounds of summer like lawnmowers and crickets in the summer. I can hear the patter of rain or the blowing of snow on the roof during weather. I get to hear thunder even if it scares me! I can hear all the songs of One Direction blaring from my daughter's room (and be thankful that it isn't Justin Bieber). I can joyfully hear myself complain about the loud music emanating from my daughter's bedroom. I can hear people to talk endlessly on the phone.
I have the pleasure of tasting a deliciously crafted latte from Starbucks. I have the pleasure of tasting some amazing homemade marinara sauce. I know what a Snickers bar tastes like. I can taste fruit and fish and chicken and doughnuts and know the difference between all of these things! I can eat for pleasure and not just for sustenance. I can taste rain and snow and sunshine! I can taste when something is off and know not to eat it!
I have the pleasure of smelling some beautiful perfume. I can smell a spring day when the flowers are blooming. I can smell cut grass. I can smell the hard work of dirty sweaty clothes. I can smell cookies baking and sauce cooking and chocolate. I can smell the salt lick of the ocean and the cool mountain air of the trees. I have the pleasure of knowing the smells of winter, spring, summer and fall. I can smell peanut butter and freshly made ice cream. I can smell coffee brewing. I can smell espresso brewing. Have I mentioned coffee yet?
I have the pleasure of feeling silk and lace and all those happy girly feels of beautiful clothes on my body. I have the pleasure of feeling sand in my toes on the beach. I have the pleasure of hugs and kisses. I have the pleasure of the best hugs on the planet from my family. I have the pleasure of knowing the difference between a hug hello, a hug goodbye, and a hug of comfort. And they are all distinctly different. I have the pleasure of feeling the spark that ignites when you touch someone special for the first time. I am distinctly fortunate to have that feeling every day with the man I married. I have the pleasure of feeling someone play with my hair and touch me in all the romantic ways he knows I love. I have the pleasure of feeling the delicious cold of snow and the fall of rain and the grass beneath my feet in summer. And today, I had the pleasure of feeling a barbell between my hands and knowing the feeling of strength.
So yeah, I can experience pleasure...in all sorts of amazing ways. Even ways I take for granted on a daily basis.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Because It Serves Me Well
Day 6 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #6 to Love My Body: Because It Serves Me Well
I'm a fortunate person. I have a mind and a brain and I'm not afraid to use them (most of the time). I am compassionate and I am understanding. Most of all, I'm relatively injury and illness free. I have friends and family members who have the most pressing medical issues -- multiple types of cancer, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia...the list goes on and on. And, while I sit here whining about not being able to do a perfect squat, some of them are unable to lift themselves out of a chair without monumental pain. Some of them are unable to go through a day without even the help of pain medication. Some of them have died on operating tables in the last year. Some of them have been denied for organ transplants. Some of them I may never see again because their health issues are so severe. And again, here I am sitting here whining about my "difficult life." My life may have hardships and difficulties, but they are NOTHING like what some of my friends and family go through. My fortunate self has a million things that my body CAN do...
Reason #6 to Love My Body: Because It Serves Me Well
I'm a fortunate person. I have a mind and a brain and I'm not afraid to use them (most of the time). I am compassionate and I am understanding. Most of all, I'm relatively injury and illness free. I have friends and family members who have the most pressing medical issues -- multiple types of cancer, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia...the list goes on and on. And, while I sit here whining about not being able to do a perfect squat, some of them are unable to lift themselves out of a chair without monumental pain. Some of them are unable to go through a day without even the help of pain medication. Some of them have died on operating tables in the last year. Some of them have been denied for organ transplants. Some of them I may never see again because their health issues are so severe. And again, here I am sitting here whining about my "difficult life." My life may have hardships and difficulties, but they are NOTHING like what some of my friends and family go through. My fortunate self has a million things that my body CAN do...
- walk to the park with my daughters
- enjoy making love to my husband (yes...this is #2 on the list!)
- make and enjoy waffles for breakfast
- sit at Starbucks at drink a latte in the sun
- drive myself across town through traffic to work at a very physical job
- deadlift 200 pounds
- bench press 105 pounds (new PR!!!)
- carry three loads of laundry up the stairs
- sleep a full night without waking up
- dance the night away
- race my daughter to the steps to school (and win occasionally)
- carry suitcases through an airport
- walk around an amusement park for an entire day
- enjoy a meal out with my family
- go hiking with friends
- climb to the top of the pamper pole at Camp Mary Orton (even if I'm too afraid to jump off)
- hike all over Cape Verde in my Vibrams
- execute a squat so well on the side of a cliff when hiking in Cape Verde that I don't even pee on my shoes (this is why squats are functional)
- laugh with my best friends over something silly
- console my best friends with hugs over something sad
- shovel snow
- climb on a stepstool to get that exact coffee mug that I want
- PLAY!!!
In short, my body can do all sorts of mundane things that I take for granted on a daily basis. So, when I feel the urge to whine about something I HAVE to do (like go to the gym or make dinner or take my kids to the park) or something I DON'T GET to do (like park really close to the building or have a quick commute to work), I remind myself that these are silly problems to have. My body does not have cancer. My body is not in constant pain from a degenerative disease. My heart is not breaking down from years of hard wear and tear. My body still continues to serve me well. And hopefully it will continue to do so for many years.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Because It's Beautiful
Day 5 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #5 to Love My Body: Because It's Beautiful
My family is going to Phoenix to visit family in two weeks. Beautiful, sunny, WARM Phoenix. I'm excited to see friends and family and definitely excited to bask in the warm glow of the sun after our polar vortex winter here in Ohio. Know what warm weather means to me?? SHORTS!! And, thinking ahead, I reminded my two girls to check to make sure their shorts from last summer still fit before we started packing. And then thought to myself that I should probably do the same. My discovery? NONE of my shorts fit. Well..... not entirely true. A couple pairs went on. My favorite pair didn't fit at all. Now, I would love to report that none of them fit because they were too big. But, the reality is that I spent much of the fall and winter dealing with emotional issues rather than physical. And diet hasn't been my highest priority. Neither has a routine exercise plan. The nice part? I didn't spiral. I didn't think of myself as a terrible person because I've gained a few pounds. My friends in Phoenix will still love me even if I don't look perfect. Because my beauty doesn't come from the perfect pair of shorts. It comes from the inside and the outside. And, after two pregnancies and two c-sections, my abs are never going to be my best feature. And I'm completely ok with that. Because there are other aspects of me that MORE than make up for it.
Ya know... like my hair. My hair is definitely my best feature, even if it's always in a ponytail. I always know that if I'm having a great hair day, everything will be right with the world. :) While I still get irritated when people "boing" my hair, when the right person plays with it just the right way, it's the best feeling in the world. And, if I let you play with my hair, that is love right there. (And I'm kinda starting to learn that I have a pretty nice booty. I think it's all those damn squats. *grin*)
As for inner beauty, my stalwart refusal to give up on people is something I think is beautiful. Once you are my friend, that doesn't change...EVER. I don't let go of friendship. I used to think there were only two people in my life that I couldn't be friends with. I've since realized that I've forgiven those two people for the havoc they wreaked in my life. Because I wouldn't be the person I am today without their actions. And if I can forgive those two individuals, I can't ever give up on anyone's friendship -- no matter what. So to those of you who I don't talk to regularly anymore, know that you are still my friend. And have no doubt that I think of you frequently.
So am I beautiful? Yes. Do my shorts have to fit to prove that? Hell no. As long as I have confidence in me, that's what matters.
Reason #5 to Love My Body: Because It's Beautiful
My family is going to Phoenix to visit family in two weeks. Beautiful, sunny, WARM Phoenix. I'm excited to see friends and family and definitely excited to bask in the warm glow of the sun after our polar vortex winter here in Ohio. Know what warm weather means to me?? SHORTS!! And, thinking ahead, I reminded my two girls to check to make sure their shorts from last summer still fit before we started packing. And then thought to myself that I should probably do the same. My discovery? NONE of my shorts fit. Well..... not entirely true. A couple pairs went on. My favorite pair didn't fit at all. Now, I would love to report that none of them fit because they were too big. But, the reality is that I spent much of the fall and winter dealing with emotional issues rather than physical. And diet hasn't been my highest priority. Neither has a routine exercise plan. The nice part? I didn't spiral. I didn't think of myself as a terrible person because I've gained a few pounds. My friends in Phoenix will still love me even if I don't look perfect. Because my beauty doesn't come from the perfect pair of shorts. It comes from the inside and the outside. And, after two pregnancies and two c-sections, my abs are never going to be my best feature. And I'm completely ok with that. Because there are other aspects of me that MORE than make up for it.
Ya know... like my hair. My hair is definitely my best feature, even if it's always in a ponytail. I always know that if I'm having a great hair day, everything will be right with the world. :) While I still get irritated when people "boing" my hair, when the right person plays with it just the right way, it's the best feeling in the world. And, if I let you play with my hair, that is love right there. (And I'm kinda starting to learn that I have a pretty nice booty. I think it's all those damn squats. *grin*)
As for inner beauty, my stalwart refusal to give up on people is something I think is beautiful. Once you are my friend, that doesn't change...EVER. I don't let go of friendship. I used to think there were only two people in my life that I couldn't be friends with. I've since realized that I've forgiven those two people for the havoc they wreaked in my life. Because I wouldn't be the person I am today without their actions. And if I can forgive those two individuals, I can't ever give up on anyone's friendship -- no matter what. So to those of you who I don't talk to regularly anymore, know that you are still my friend. And have no doubt that I think of you frequently.
So am I beautiful? Yes. Do my shorts have to fit to prove that? Hell no. As long as I have confidence in me, that's what matters.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Because It's a Miracle
Day 4 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #4 to Love My Body: Because It's a Miracle
A friend of mine mentioned last night that he didn't deserve my kindness and that I shouldn't worry about him. And I was baffled, because he is an incredibly important person to me. He shows me kindness and supports me in my endeavors and always reminds me that I'm an amazing person. He writes with such imagery and detail that it leaves me breathless. And that creativity and generosity of spirit will always have my kindness and respect and love. While he may not currently recognize his inner strength and wisdom, I hope that I can help him to find those qualities within himself.
And, as I sat contemplating my purpose today, our interaction last night reminded me of the starfish and helped me to really define my purpose and my impact. To make a difference to this one. To help others learn the value in themselves.
It has taken me most of my life to understand this aspiration. I heard the story of the starfish when I was in high school, but I don't remember when or where. And it stuck with me. And, as I've gone through my life, I've found myself drawn to people and situations where I naturally want to help others find the best in themselves. In every relationship (friend, coworker, acquaintance) I've ever had, helping is what came naturally.
I have always felt compelled to help others find the best in themselves. I try to help them see how amazing they truly are, even when sometimes they don't feel it. Especially when they don't feel it. Because, the deep down truth is that we are all miracles. Every one of us was born to complete a purpose to those we come in contact with. I may not ever know the impact of what I say to another human being, but I like to think that a simple smile to someone who isn't expecting it might brighten their day.
As for the impact I'm having, it's motivating to know that I've inspired others. I have created a fire in friends and family to find health and fitness. I have helped friends find the courage to either stay with or leave careers. I have brought a smile to someone's day. I have helped teach the next generation that kindness, no matter how small, is important. Because, the reality is, we will never know the impact that we have on others' lives with a simple word, deed, or facial expression.
So, while I might not be able to find a cure for cancer or clean up the entire planet, I can make a difference in the lives of those around me. And inspire them to create change within themselves to discover the very best person inside themselves. And maybe if each one of us finds the best of the best within us, that will be the catalyst to make the world a better place for everyone.
Reason #4 to Love My Body: Because It's a Miracle
A friend of mine mentioned last night that he didn't deserve my kindness and that I shouldn't worry about him. And I was baffled, because he is an incredibly important person to me. He shows me kindness and supports me in my endeavors and always reminds me that I'm an amazing person. He writes with such imagery and detail that it leaves me breathless. And that creativity and generosity of spirit will always have my kindness and respect and love. While he may not currently recognize his inner strength and wisdom, I hope that I can help him to find those qualities within himself.
And, as I sat contemplating my purpose today, our interaction last night reminded me of the starfish and helped me to really define my purpose and my impact. To make a difference to this one. To help others learn the value in themselves.
It has taken me most of my life to understand this aspiration. I heard the story of the starfish when I was in high school, but I don't remember when or where. And it stuck with me. And, as I've gone through my life, I've found myself drawn to people and situations where I naturally want to help others find the best in themselves. In every relationship (friend, coworker, acquaintance) I've ever had, helping is what came naturally.
I have always felt compelled to help others find the best in themselves. I try to help them see how amazing they truly are, even when sometimes they don't feel it. Especially when they don't feel it. Because, the deep down truth is that we are all miracles. Every one of us was born to complete a purpose to those we come in contact with. I may not ever know the impact of what I say to another human being, but I like to think that a simple smile to someone who isn't expecting it might brighten their day.
As for the impact I'm having, it's motivating to know that I've inspired others. I have created a fire in friends and family to find health and fitness. I have helped friends find the courage to either stay with or leave careers. I have brought a smile to someone's day. I have helped teach the next generation that kindness, no matter how small, is important. Because, the reality is, we will never know the impact that we have on others' lives with a simple word, deed, or facial expression.
So, while I might not be able to find a cure for cancer or clean up the entire planet, I can make a difference in the lives of those around me. And inspire them to create change within themselves to discover the very best person inside themselves. And maybe if each one of us finds the best of the best within us, that will be the catalyst to make the world a better place for everyone.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Because It's Strong
Day 3 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #3 to Love My Body: Because It's Strong
Strength. This is a word that holds deep meaning for me on many levels. Molly has asked us today to write down how we demonstrate strength -- physically, mentally, and emotionally. And even just writing about it is difficult. I'm not sure why this particular topic has been difficult to convey. I know that I am strong in all of these ways, but forcing myself to accept it and make it public has been different.
I was recently called out for not having accomplished much in my lifting over the past two years. And, while I agreed that I haven't put all of my efforts forth on that, I was disappointed and frustrated that a mentor would not have seen the progress I had made. When I started lifting two years ago, I had to take twenty minutes to be able to even believe that I could deadlift 175 pounds. It took more mental convincing than physical strength to pull that off the ground. When I hit my 200 pound PR in December, there was nobody more convinced than I was that I could do it. When I started lifting two years ago, I was unafraid of squats. I happily just kept doing them wrong until I got hurt and taken completely out of exercise for four months. Now, I know that my squats need work. And I've spent the last year working with numerous coaches on improving that form. Is it perfect? Nope. Will it ever be? Nope. But, I'm working on it and I have the confidence to continue trying. The last two years have shown a huge increase in strength -- it just wasn't completely physical.
It was partially mental. I had to learn to have the confidence in myself to do something physical. I have never had a doubt in myself that I had mental strength. I am a smart woman who can accomplish anything that I put my mind to. Some people may look at this as bragging, but I've never failed a big test. From SATs (1620) to teaching certification (passed with distinction) to notary (100%) to insurance licensure (three weeks to a passing score) to my NASM personal training certification (passed on the first time), mental strength is not something I lack. But, I had to learn to have confidence in myself physically and really believe that I could do these physical things. Even someone I used to train with said that confidence was all I really needed to get much better at my squat. And that brings me back to the hardest won strength of all.
Emotional strength. Emotional strength has been the biggest struggle over the last five years. Being strong enough to accept that I hated my job. Being strong enough to admit that a lifestyle change needed to happen to be healthier. Being strong enough to take responsibility for some exceptionally bad decisions on my part and work through the consequences of those actions. Being strong enough to say goodbye to the negative influences in my life. This continues to be the strength that needs the most work. But my biggest act of emotional strength happened almost a year ago, when I accepted the challenge to be honest and admit a problem existed. Without the strength to answer honestly, I would not be in a position to write this blog today. Without the strength to pick up the phone and admit that I needed help, my life would have been over as I knew it. Without the strength and conviction to trust in the person who matters most to me, I would no longer have that person in my life.
So maybe my physical strength hasn't improved as much as it could have over the past two years, but the mental and emotional gains were so much more significant in the long run. Because, now, I'm strong enough to be myself. And I'm proud of that.
Reason #3 to Love My Body: Because It's Strong
Strength. This is a word that holds deep meaning for me on many levels. Molly has asked us today to write down how we demonstrate strength -- physically, mentally, and emotionally. And even just writing about it is difficult. I'm not sure why this particular topic has been difficult to convey. I know that I am strong in all of these ways, but forcing myself to accept it and make it public has been different.
I was recently called out for not having accomplished much in my lifting over the past two years. And, while I agreed that I haven't put all of my efforts forth on that, I was disappointed and frustrated that a mentor would not have seen the progress I had made. When I started lifting two years ago, I had to take twenty minutes to be able to even believe that I could deadlift 175 pounds. It took more mental convincing than physical strength to pull that off the ground. When I hit my 200 pound PR in December, there was nobody more convinced than I was that I could do it. When I started lifting two years ago, I was unafraid of squats. I happily just kept doing them wrong until I got hurt and taken completely out of exercise for four months. Now, I know that my squats need work. And I've spent the last year working with numerous coaches on improving that form. Is it perfect? Nope. Will it ever be? Nope. But, I'm working on it and I have the confidence to continue trying. The last two years have shown a huge increase in strength -- it just wasn't completely physical.
It was partially mental. I had to learn to have the confidence in myself to do something physical. I have never had a doubt in myself that I had mental strength. I am a smart woman who can accomplish anything that I put my mind to. Some people may look at this as bragging, but I've never failed a big test. From SATs (1620) to teaching certification (passed with distinction) to notary (100%) to insurance licensure (three weeks to a passing score) to my NASM personal training certification (passed on the first time), mental strength is not something I lack. But, I had to learn to have confidence in myself physically and really believe that I could do these physical things. Even someone I used to train with said that confidence was all I really needed to get much better at my squat. And that brings me back to the hardest won strength of all.
Emotional strength. Emotional strength has been the biggest struggle over the last five years. Being strong enough to accept that I hated my job. Being strong enough to admit that a lifestyle change needed to happen to be healthier. Being strong enough to take responsibility for some exceptionally bad decisions on my part and work through the consequences of those actions. Being strong enough to say goodbye to the negative influences in my life. This continues to be the strength that needs the most work. But my biggest act of emotional strength happened almost a year ago, when I accepted the challenge to be honest and admit a problem existed. Without the strength to answer honestly, I would not be in a position to write this blog today. Without the strength to pick up the phone and admit that I needed help, my life would have been over as I knew it. Without the strength and conviction to trust in the person who matters most to me, I would no longer have that person in my life.
So maybe my physical strength hasn't improved as much as it could have over the past two years, but the mental and emotional gains were so much more significant in the long run. Because, now, I'm strong enough to be myself. And I'm proud of that.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Because It's Capable
Day 2 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #2 to Love My Body: Because It's Capable
This discounting of our capabilities is something that we have learned from our youth. Learning from childhood that the result is much more important than the journey has lead to a generation of quick-fixers. We seem to want the end result without the hard work required to accomplish it. Somewhere along the way, we lost sight of the countless lessons of the journey. The journey forces us to learn hard work, dedication, commitment, and perseverance. And, maybe most importantly, it teaches us how to fail and subsequently overcome that failure. When we continually look for the easiest path, we shortchange ourselves and our future. As a result, we've lost sight of (or never learned) what we are CAPABLE of. And we are capable of so much more than weight loss surgery and watching Dr. Oz to find out about today's quick fix. We are capable of overcoming fear. We are capable of making good choices. We are capable of being good role models for the younger generation.
Reason #2 to Love My Body: Because It's Capable
I could give you a list a mile long detailing all of the things that I can't do. I can't squat with good form is the first that comes to mind. I can't stick to my macros for more than a week. I can't keep my house clean. I can't put my phone down for more than a few minutes without checking it. I can't survive without Starbucks lattes. Molly's task today was to identify something that I excel at. And I couldn't think of a thing without discounting it. Yes, I'm good at organization. And I'm enthusiastic. I'm even pretty good at deadlifts. But, for each one that popped into my head, I thought to myself, "no...I'm really not THAT good at that." And is it true that there might be others that are better than me? Absolutely. I'm not the best organizer (but I do actually think I might be the best one that I know). I'm not the MOST enthusiastic all the time. And I know lots of women who can outdeadlift me. But, NONE of that means that I'm not capable of doing those things and doing them well. And I'm not the only one I know who downplays my own abilities.
This discounting of our capabilities is something that we have learned from our youth. Learning from childhood that the result is much more important than the journey has lead to a generation of quick-fixers. We seem to want the end result without the hard work required to accomplish it. Somewhere along the way, we lost sight of the countless lessons of the journey. The journey forces us to learn hard work, dedication, commitment, and perseverance. And, maybe most importantly, it teaches us how to fail and subsequently overcome that failure. When we continually look for the easiest path, we shortchange ourselves and our future. As a result, we've lost sight of (or never learned) what we are CAPABLE of. And we are capable of so much more than weight loss surgery and watching Dr. Oz to find out about today's quick fix. We are capable of overcoming fear. We are capable of making good choices. We are capable of being good role models for the younger generation.
We are strong and so much more than just capable.
Look beyond what is ordinary and mundane in yourself, embrace your failure, and look to the extraordinary and let yourself shine.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Because It's Mine
Day 1 of the #loveyourbodychallenge from Molly Galbraith of GirlsGoneStrong.
Reason #1 to Love My Body: Because It's Mine
I never quite realized how poorly I've treated my body. I treat it like it will always be there and I will always have the opportunity to makes the changes I would like to see. But, as I approach 40 (ugh...yes, 40), I realize that there are certain opportunities that have passed me by because of the previous choices I made in life. I know that I will never be an Olympic gymnast or have the metabolism of a pro athlete (and that's totally ok). I am learning to own the choices that I have made and and realize that I have to put my past behind me. (Thank you Rafiki!) I cannot go back and undo the choices I made when I was younger or even the choices I made yesterday.
On the other hand, just because I cannot go back and change the choices I've made, that does NOT give me an excuse to continue to make the same poor choices. I can learn from those decisions and CHOOSE to make changes to better myself and my body. I can decide to exercise and eat right this morning. Not because I want to look hot in a bikini (though that's a good perk), but because I love my body and I choose to treat it well so that I have a healthy body to live in for all of my life. When I accept this love and this responsibility, eating right and exercising and treating my body like the temple it is becomes easy and second nature.
Am I going to slip up at times and treat my body a little poorly? Yep. And I can own these choices and make them my own. I hear from myself, my friends and my clients daily that they give up when they feel they have made a mistake. But, none of us are perfect. In fact, I'm going to repeat that because it bears repeating: NONE OF US ARE PERFECT. I cannot undo the choice that I made this morning to have Starbucks with my daughters, nor do I want to. Was it the healthiest food for my body? Nope. But, on a late start morning, absolutely worth the time spent with my daughters bonding over lattes and frappuccinos.
Going forward, I will treat my body with the love and respect it deserves. Because that love has to start with me. If I can't love my body and myself, I will always be at the mercy of myself and others. If I treat my body with love and care, I will define my own worth. And that definition is the only one that matters.
Reason #1 to Love My Body: Because It's Mine
I never quite realized how poorly I've treated my body. I treat it like it will always be there and I will always have the opportunity to makes the changes I would like to see. But, as I approach 40 (ugh...yes, 40), I realize that there are certain opportunities that have passed me by because of the previous choices I made in life. I know that I will never be an Olympic gymnast or have the metabolism of a pro athlete (and that's totally ok). I am learning to own the choices that I have made and and realize that I have to put my past behind me. (Thank you Rafiki!) I cannot go back and undo the choices I made when I was younger or even the choices I made yesterday.
On the other hand, just because I cannot go back and change the choices I've made, that does NOT give me an excuse to continue to make the same poor choices. I can learn from those decisions and CHOOSE to make changes to better myself and my body. I can decide to exercise and eat right this morning. Not because I want to look hot in a bikini (though that's a good perk), but because I love my body and I choose to treat it well so that I have a healthy body to live in for all of my life. When I accept this love and this responsibility, eating right and exercising and treating my body like the temple it is becomes easy and second nature.
Am I going to slip up at times and treat my body a little poorly? Yep. And I can own these choices and make them my own. I hear from myself, my friends and my clients daily that they give up when they feel they have made a mistake. But, none of us are perfect. In fact, I'm going to repeat that because it bears repeating: NONE OF US ARE PERFECT. I cannot undo the choice that I made this morning to have Starbucks with my daughters, nor do I want to. Was it the healthiest food for my body? Nope. But, on a late start morning, absolutely worth the time spent with my daughters bonding over lattes and frappuccinos.
Going forward, I will treat my body with the love and respect it deserves. Because that love has to start with me. If I can't love my body and myself, I will always be at the mercy of myself and others. If I treat my body with love and care, I will define my own worth. And that definition is the only one that matters.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Love My Body -- A 28 Day Challenge
I follow a number of female fitness professionals through their blogs -- Neghar Fonooni, Girls Gone Strong, and Molly Galbraith are among my favorites. Their fitness content will kick my butt every day but what stays with me is their continuous work on compassion and gratitude. Women all over the world struggle with body image and body dysmorphia. In my work as a trainer, I see this from my clients every day. We all want to look like the woman on the magazine cover. And, as Molly put it, it's completely unreasonable to compare ourselves at our worst to someone else on her absolutely best day with a team of professionals to make her look perfect.
Body image is something I specifically struggle with. As a trainer, I am expected to have a certain "look" to get clients. And I don't have that look. I don't deny the fact that I could stand to lose 15-20 pounds and get my diet back "in check" to have that look. However, I have learned that the work that it takes to get there makes me crazy. It makes my family crazy. And it makes me a very unfun person to be around. So Molly is throwing out a 28 Day Love Your Body challenge. And, as a fitness professional who doesn't always love her body, I'm accepting it. Moreover, I'm embracing it and sharing it with others. Because it's important to set an example. 28 days to have a better understanding and acceptance of my body as it is. I will continue to work on improving my diet and keep with exercise BECAUSE I love my body. Not because I need to achieve a standard of impossible perfection.
So thanks for following along with me along the next 28 days...
Pre-Work
The first day is a bit of self searching with a pre-challenge questionnaire.
1. How do you feel when you think about how your body looks?
(1= absolutely terrible, 10 = freaking awesome)
I'm a 6.
2. How often do you think about things you'd like to change on your body?
(1 = constantly, 10 = never)
Easily a 3.
3. How often do you look in the mirror and think "I look really awesome!"?
(1 = never, 10 = always)
I'm a 4.
4. How confident do you feel when you're in a swimsuit?
(1 = not confident at all, 10 = extremely confident)
I'm a 2. Sadly.
5. How confident do you feel about your body during intimate moments?
(1 = not confident at all, 10 = extremely confident)
I'm a 6. Because my husband loves my body and he's amazing.
6. How often do you catch yourself saying/thinking negative things about your body?
(1 = constantly, 10 = never)
I'm probably at about a 5. I've gotten better at this in the last year.
7. How often do you catch yourself saying negative things about your body to other people?
(1 = constantly, 10 = never)
I'm definitely a 3.
8. How well do you receive compliments from others?
(1 = not well, 10 = really well)
Probably around a 7.
9. How often do you have feelings of shame in regards to your body?
(1 = constantly, 10 = never)
I'm around a 3.
10. If I told you that you could drastically change your perception of your body in 28 days, would you believe me?
(1 = absolutely not, 10 = no doubt about it)
I'm an 8....sadly.
My total: 47/100. I think I definitely have room for improvement.
Here I go with 28 days to change. Wish me luck and share your own personal Love Your Body stories!
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